NEWSLETTER
SUMMER 2006
Grapevine is not a 'dating site'. I know this can be confusing to Internet daters!
Grapevine, as you can see from our newsletters, is more of a personal service. If anybody
wants reminding how we work just click FAQ or go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/join.htm
For internet dating go to www.singlesgrapevine-online.com
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CONTENTS
1. Emails
2. This and That
3. Restructuring of future memberships and rejoins
4. Email problems and advice
5. Photos & Etiquette (repeat)
6. The WINE BAR - your contributions
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1. Some Recent EMAILS from Members (and matters arising).
(Please don't be afraid to email me for fear of my publishing your emails. I omit
or slightly change identifying details without altering the actual message so that the
'other party' won't recognise him/herself!)
Here are just a
few of the many many emails received over the past two or three months....
"Yes,
I am no longer free. In fact it's been going on several months now and is very wonderful.
Needless to say I met J through Grapevine (although she is always embarrassed to admit she
was a "free" member)".
"Thank
you for your kind words...I feel the luckiest lady alive at the moment I know its early
days yet but it's definitely something I will cherish"
"I
am now in a steady relationship, I'm sorry to say it was not through singles grapevine.
However it was as a result of being with the grapevine that I realised a relationship was
still possible and for that I thank you."
"Katherine
- Good luck with your hard work and matchmaking. If you ever need any help with things let
me know. I think you offer a lovely personal service and I
wish you lots of luck with your business. If I do decide to look again, I will
contact you and I will recommend you to anyone else who is interested in finding a
partner.
"I
would like to join grapevine as a member as I am totally sick of the so called free dating
sites and the garbled messages you get from guys looking for cheap thrills."
"By the way did you know - some gossip here that you
may already have been told about. J from ......(who was my partner for nearly 2 years
- we met through you at Grapevine) is about to marry R from .... - another Grapevine
member. S, a friend of mine from ....., joined Grapevine on my recommendation, and
the first person she met, was a guy from .... that you had introduced me to a couple of
years previously (I only saw him once), small world..." It's a shame that this lovely lady has not similar good news about
herself yet.
"I
am in a fantastic relationship with a wonderful man now. It's only been 2 months but
I am very happy."
"So
would you take me off the Available list at present. Whenever people enquire I always sing
the praises of Grapevine. I have had several very enjoyable dates (and now success) and
have found the type of person who seems to be with Grapevine far more suitable than with
other introduction agencies." I know that there are those whose experience is very different. It is so
dependent upon who they happen to meet and who happens to join. Their own attitude to
dating and approach to other people can also make a big difference.
"Thank
you for the personal, friendly service you've extended to me, even as a guest
member.."
"Thought
I'd just drop you a line to let you know things are still going very well with me & S,
our respective children have now met and it was a success, we have also booked a holiday
to Portugal in August so we are planning long term!!! We often say that without Grapevine
it's extremely unlikely that our paths would have crossed, so thank you again. In the
meantime I have recommended you to one of my good friends."
From a
lady (aged 58 - a more difficult age): "Hi
Katherine, Thank you for the lists , I have had a few dates all nice men. It's a great
personal service! As an accountant, I think you should be charging more!!!"
"No, we did not meet through any organisation, but I hold the Grapevine operation
in the highest regard."
"I guess that my extended membership of Grapevine is drawing to an end anyway but
I'm truly glad that it's ending on a high. And it is a magnificent high despite my
misgivings."
"Can
I just thank you for your patience and understanding over the last 12 months. I am not the
person I was when I first joined and whatever happens with 'X' I know that I have moved on
during this period and as Gloria Gaynor sang all those years ago"I will
survive".
"May
the Grapevine continue from strength to strength!"
"Hi
Katherine.....not wishing to tempt fate (!!) and it is early days ..... but through
Grapevine I have met X - a lovely man who seems kind and considerate (and who is rather
handsome!!). He is very attentive and makes me feel special and wonderful......
feelings that has been sadly lacking in my life for some while!! I just hope that I
manage to make him feel special too!!" And from him: "Dear
Katherine, through you and Grapevine I've also met someone kind, loving and gorgeous. She
is very special to me and she makes me feel very special ( I will convince her of that
eventually ! ) and I hope our relationship flourishes which without your help couldn't
have happened....can you not pass my details on further. Many thanks and kind
regards." And from myself to
the lady: "It seems no time at
all that you were feeling disheartened and I was chasing up a reply from X for you
(something people always don't like me doing) but it proves it is worth doing doesn't
it!"
"In
response to your query: 'No, I am no longer available'. This is because I have
met someone, and yes it was via Grapevine. We met in November , I'm very happy
& long may it continue! Very many thanks to you and to the Grapevine service."
2. This and That
Putting in the
effort & being flexible
A
lovely email from a lady with advice to others looking for someone special: "Thank you for your latest newsletter.
Please remove my name from your list, I have met the most wonderful man and we are getting
married in August and going to Canada for our honeymoon. Although this meeting not
arranged by Singles Grapevine, your emails have always been welcome and friendly with good
advice. My advice to those looking for a serious relationship is that you
need to be patient, the right person will come along and they are with waiting for, you
just need to be selective, yet not turn down sensible opportunities, after all a meeting
is only an hour, a cup of coffee and some one feeling as nervous as you are and there is a
lot more to people than looks and accents! My new partner was not someone I would
have thought wow to or expected chemistry with but after an hour in his company I knew I
really wanted to see him again and now you know the result."
"..
I'm beginning to think I should relax my criteria a bit and give people a bit more of a
chance before rejecting them. I have to admit that, shallow as it sounds, I am very
focused on the way people look, but I think that maybe I need to chat with people a bit
more even if I don't initially find them attractive."
Everybody
would really prefer to be contacted than make the first move. In times past no 'lady'
would ever obviously make the first approach would she - though she would have other
methods of making her interest show! Here is an email from a lady who probably won't get
very far in the world of modern dating: "...By
'proactive' do you mean contacting available men rather than waiting for them to contact
me? If so then the only problem with that is that I wouldn't dream of making the
first move. That's why I didn't sign up for full membership initially, and haven't
done so with any online dating sites either."
"I
see by your reply Katherine that you do actually read and respond personally, I have
trawled the various REAL sites for a long time with no luck, I have even gone as far as
the Russian brides and Global Ladies sites to search for a wife / partner, I have had
hundreds of replies from girls as young as 18 to 60 yrs' old, But I do feel that a local
English girl is out there somewhere!!! If I do get any interest in my profile I will
certainly become a very serious and dedicated member of your agency.." This gentleman should not wait upon 'getting interest'
from other people's efforts, but should be proactive himself.
"I
am in fact dating someone very nice who I met through Singles Grapevine. Its early
days but it looks very promising. Curiously not someone who I would have chosen from his
profile since he already has kids, but I'm now looking forward to meeting them."
If
people continue dating for too long it can become a merry-go-round that they just can't
get off. "Since I joined in 2003
you have sent me the details of 235 ladies. I have only felt inclined to contact 4, and
nothing came of any of them; email exchanges only......I had virtually decided to not
rejoin, but it almost feels like a drug,; if I don't will I just miss out on someone? Will
the next person sent my details be The One, or am I destined to remain a bachelor?....."
"I
know you're doing a very professional job, as a member I could not ask for more support
and help, nowhere else offers this level of involvement. I would like to meet someone, and
I’m happy to play the game and use polite Emails, and follow the process. I think a
lot of people do not follow your advice, but probably many meet someone anyway so not an
issue for them. Here is the cynical bit, but sadly perhaps true - As you can hide behind
Email trash can, why not leave your membership open even if you do meet someone, well
things might not work out with person you’ve met !!If I try this again once I get the
profiles I’m not going to be high tech, I’m going to pick up the phone and ring
someone, and try to arrange a time to have a chat. If they are genuine like me then it
will not be a problem."
Met
elsewhere
With so
many different dating sites etc. today many Grapevine members end up by meeting someone
elsewhere, but often Grapevine has played a part also. "Now for the good news: I've been so lucky in that I
have met a wonderful man who makes me feel alive and very happy. It's
early days yet but, fingers crossed, here's hoping it'll work out fine and
develop into 'a long term relationship'. Only goes to prove what you said,
'keep thinking in a positive way and something good will come along' - good advice
thanks......He's almost totally the opposite I would have described as 'my ideal man' -
but I've quickly come to realise that he is beginning to be an important part of my life
and 'ticks' an awful lot of boxes so to speak. Aren't I the lucky one?"
I like
this one: "Please cancel my
membership as I got married in January to a lovely lady that I met on the bus."
When
to stop dating other people
People
tell a member they have met someone without having told Grapevine first. Here is a typical
reply to my checking up: "Your
information was more or less right but at the time you received it, a little
premature. At the time I was nurturing an acorn. The acorn is growing and if it
continues to do so then I will officially take my hat out of the ring. Not yet quite
ready to burn my boats, either in respect of Grapevine or relationship, but watch this
space!"
And
another: "Thank–you for
your message. I have spoken to P over the telephone to apologise for not contacting him
sooner.....Please can you take my name off the Singles grapevine contact list. I’d
like to thank you, Katherine for giving both of us the opportunity to feel wanted and
loved with a great future to look forward to.With all my thanks again.."
3.
Restructuring of future memberships and rejoins
Many
people today just can't get their heads around how Grapevine works. Not long ago it seemed
obvious - before the days of internet dating. People now are conditioned by instant
internet dating sites. They are no longer used to reading instructions. They don't want to
put in the effort. Here is an email from a gentleman: "No
thanks, don't want extended membership, I can't be learning how you work I have better
things to do with my time.." This really is a sign
of the times, isn't it.
Most
Grapevine members nowadays will have experienced internet dating sites and they are
looking for the immediacy from Grapevine. I have been having a long hard think about where
we are going. I know from all the emails I get that there are many people who still value
the traditional caring dating agency aspect of Grapevine, and this is our niche.
Over
time and in order to personalise things, Grapevine membership levels have become more and
more complicated, and difficult for those people who are only accustomed to internet
dating way of doing things to understand. I am sending emails out all the time explaining
to people how we work - that they don't 'search' for people online, or contact other
members through the 'site'..
So, after much soul searching I have decided to simplify things drastically and go back to
basics, based on three important things.
One,
people join Grapevine for the personal touch, the feeling, as one member quoted said, that
there is someone 'batting on their side'.
Two,
people don't join Grapevine to look through hundreds of photos etc. - they can do that on
any internet dating site, so the emphasis is on service not numbers for
their own sake.
Three,
the thing which gives us our niche is that although we operate solely via email, there is
a feeling that Grapevine actually knows each member. New members' details are scrutinised to make sure what they say is appropriate before we accept
them (!), I check and record postal addresses (in complete confidence naturally) and I
keep careful note of all feedback.
So, from now onwards there will be just two types of 'members' - free members which we now
call GUESTS because this is what they really are, and people who have paid who are the
MEMBERS. Members and Guests. One membership level will apply to all MEMBERS. This will now
cost just £17.50 and last for one month. When the month is finished they can either
purchase another month or remain as a free Guest for three months. If you would like to
take a look and have been a Grapevine member previously take a look at
If you
haven't been a member before we will need your details, so go to
Internet dating
- SinglesGrapevine-Online
Continuing to move with
the times, we now have our own Internet Dating site. As this isn't a personal service the
numbers are very much greater. The database and membership is quite different. As with
many other sites, you can look through the membership for yourself.
4. Email problems
Lack of response
"You
said in your reference material that I should let you know if guys I have emailed several
times are not responding. I have two of those ......I will still try and call them, but I
prefer to get a contact going via email first and I would at least expect some response. I
don't think it's too much to ask - has basic courtesy gone out of the window here?" (She refers to men in their fifties)
In one
evening alone last month, I sent 71 emails chasing up members who don't reply either to
others or to myself. Not only is this soul destroying for me - but more importantly it's
soul destroying for members.
"Hello
katherine, I'm sorry to say that I'm disappointed with half the women I have emailed, as
they didn't even have the decency to answer my emails, even just to say no. I now fell
very disillusioned in the way I have been treated and it makes me feel like giving up. I
can't understand how they can be so hurtful, I would email someone back even if it was to
say no and wish them the best of luck."
"....I
am of the opinion that if he was keen to meet someone he would be checking his emails so I
don't think I will bother to chase him."
But that may not be a safe conclusion - that he isn't keen to
meet someone. Read on.
Reasons for not replying - (and some excuses)
So
often when people sign up they are worried about leaving their email address - because
maybe they have signed up for other things on the internet and that has generated loads of
spam - so they have a special email address for giving on the internet. And then they
don't check it!
"Sorry
I haven't replied sooner. I do not check this BT email very often, hence the late
reply."
"Sorry
this email went into my spam box without me seeing it."
"I
am the network administrator for our company and as such all emails are forwarded to me.
Can you tell if there are any members with an xxxxxxxxxxx email address? If there are then
they are not receiving their mail as I have deleted all previous mails"
"A
comment about e-mail addresses. Manxnet which I use has a very efficient spammaster
service which filters out unknown addresses and sends them all in a batch twice a day. It
is easy if you are busy not to check it. Contacts from services such as yours would
go straight into the spam filter. It may be advisable to suggest your members use an
unfiltered address for initial contacts so that messages actually get through."
"Hi
sorry for note replying sooner, but I have had problems with my e-mail. I am still
available to meet people. Sorry for any inconvenience.."
"I'm
very very sorry that you have had to send me a few emails and in particular that I've not
responded to them. I've been working overseas and haven't been checking this email
address for the last couple of months." Again, a lot of people have probably wasted their time because this person
didn't give their usual email address. Grapevine makes it quite clear on sign up
the email addresses are never passed on to any third party other than selected members of
Grapevine.
"I
am still available for dating. I have unfortunately been away to a funeral. Sorry that I
haven't gotten back to you sooner."
"Very
sorry - I haven't looked at my emails for weeks, the kids have both had flu and it really
was the last thing on my mind!"
"...sorry
Katherine, I've been very remiss haven't I by failing to respond to your earlier
emails."
"Thanks for the reminder....I just haven't logged on much recently as I am in the
middle of moving house...but still interested in finding my soulmate."
Too much
emailing!
My view is that just a
few emails should be sufficient and then it's best press towards a short meeting. Single
people can have lots of opportunities and you may simply leave it too late! They could be
emailing other people and someone else will get there first. It is only a meeting for a
drink or coffee after all. "...you
might like to know that before I met this guy I had been talking to M ......he was very
keen, wanting to chat by phone early on but I prefer to email for a little while which we
did. He then said several times he was going to call, never did and then sent a pathetic
email to say he'd better not call because he was having trouble with his ex. I know you
can't control these things but I wouldn't want anyone to go thru a build up of six weeks
or so getting to know someone and having hopes to be let down in this way again. I've got
quite tough skin but there will be a lot of people out there who haven't.
Misunderstandings
It can
be hard conveying your 'tone' by email can't it; the other person can't hear your voice or
see you smile. Humour can be risky too. This was brought home to me a while ago when I
sent someone what I thought was a long, thoughtful and kind reply explaining something,
and he responded say that he didn't appreciate being met with negativity and sarcasm. I
felt dreadful!
This is
from a recent newspaper clipping: A
team of American academics (though
why it took academics to come to this conclusion I can't think) have found that email is a 'fertile ground for
miscommunication'. People 'routinely overestimate' how well they can communicate and end
up insulting people without intending to do so....In one test, 12 university students were
given a list of ten topics, such as parties, dating and food. They had to send two
one-sentence statements by email on each subject - one serious, the other sarcastic. For
example, one statement might read, 'I do not like first dates', and the other, I really
enjoy dating because I like feeling as self-conscious and inadequate as possible'. They
then had to write down whether they thought people would realise when they were being
serious and when they were being sarcastic. They regularly got it wrong....on email we
know we are being sarcastic, but what is obvious to us may be considerably less so to the
person on the other end of the computer. When people talk directly, they can convey their
meaning more easily using facial expressions or a certain tone of voice. But email is 'an
inherently more impoverished communication' which can lead to devastating consequences...'
Hence
the necessity to use symbols to show you are smiling. I suppose that is why so many people
litter their emails with 'lol' which I personally hate. Much better are :-) or ;) hee hee,
(joke) or xx
5. Photos & Etiquette (again)
Photos
For the sake of new members, I repeat from before these basic instructions about the sort
of photo we would like to include.
No photo at all is much better than a bad one! A careless photo looks as though you don't
feel it's worth the effort which is a total turn-off for anyone who receives your details.
No photo can look like lack of effort also - though I know many people would prefer to
exchange photos personally with people for reasons of confidentiality. Here is a rough
guide to the sort of photo Grapevine likes to include - and if you don't have a good one,
why not go and get a good one taken? this is important!
1. Head and shoulders is all we use, and can crop if necessary, (if you are a small speck
in a large photo then it will be too fuzzy!).
2. Not scruffy. Look smart or smart/casual if you seriously want people to contact you.
Dressed is essential - for instance standing by a pool with dripping hair is not
appropriate here.
3. Dignified. We don't want alluring semi-naked staged photos - people can always send any
photos they wish direct to the other person. The photo is meant to show what a person you
could meet looks like and useless if you wouldn't recognise them from the photo.
4. Honesty. Make sure the photo is recent. If a gentleman is bald, nobody is fooled if the
top of his head is cut off the photo!
5. Be seen. If you are wearing dark glasses your face can't be seen. If you are wearing a
hat you can't be seen properly either.
6. Don't use webcam. Photos taken by yourself look sad. They are invariably distorted or
too close-up and do you no favour at all. A photo booth would be better.
7. Face Forward and look approachable. Try not to look unhappy - though laughing isn't
necessary either. Try to look friendly and confident. Look into the camera.
Etiquette (for the sake of new members I have left this section in from
last time)
Quite a lot of emails between me and members concerns uncertainty over the date itself -
and this is usually the gentlemen I must say. Anyway - this is usually my response though
you may not agree with it!: "If you were going out with me I would expect you to
welcome me, buy first drinks and then I would expect to pay for the next round. I also
would always offer to pay my share of a meal." Some men - especially older ones -
insist, so it's not worth too much arguing! (A few I'm sad to say, both men and women,
even feel they are doing the other person a favour by meeting them, and they leave the
flabbergasted person with the whole bill!!! )
My advice is:
Don't be late.
Never stand someone up.
Dress appropriately (smart/casual?). Looking scruffy/dirty hair/unshaven (men!) is
inexcusable when the other party will probably have put in the effort. Nose picking, beard
picking and scratching definitely a no-no (I've heard it all - believe me!). Ladies -
dress code not toooo sexy or too much make-up. Gentlemen - be at the venue first if
possible, be welcoming. Helping the other person makes you forget about yourself! If
he/she's hard work then at least you have done your bit.
Show interest and listen as well as talk. Difficult when you're a bit nervous because you
feel frightened of silences!
Don't run down or ‘slag off’ past dates or your ex. It's very intimidating to
date someone who tells you on the first date that he/she has belonged to every dating site
there is and has lost count of how many dates he/she has been on.
Don't avoid eye contact - people don't like that!
Don't talk on mobile phone during a first date
Don't take a child or friend on a date (this unbelievably sometimes happens)
Don't escape through the toilet window!
Have a little humility. No other member of the human race is so unworthy that you can't be
courteous for half an hour of your time should you find you have met someone you are not
attracted to
Go Dutch on first date
Don't drink too much!
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6. The WINE BAR…….. the place where you, the members, can meet!
This is YOUR place in the newsletter where you could potentially get what you want to say
to thousands of people throughout the UK. It's never too late to add your piece as the
newsletter is constantly updated and going out to new members. You may, for instance, like
to start a dinner group in your area — or just organise a one-off meal. Here is the
place to promote it.
******AFFORDABLE IMAGE CONSULTANCY for men & women
Ever been unsure about what to wear for a date? Do you know how to make the absolute best
of your appearance? Interested in a self esteem boost..? Spend some time with a
professional image consultant to learn how to wear colours that harmonise with your
natural colouring for a more youthful, healthy & attractive appearance. Do you want to
look taller, slimmer, perfectly proportioned, fuller figured? Learn how to create
flattering illusions with clothing & accessory styles. Take away personalised advice
on ‘head to toe’ clothing designs to suit your individual shape & figure
characteristics! To find out a bit more, go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/image.htm
or email singlesgrapevine@aol.com for
Linda's email address.
*****Time4Relaxation??? Do
you find that the search for your perfect match leaves you feeling stressed,
anxious and tired? Are you worried that you won't feel your best when you finally
meet the right one? Well maybe for you, it's Time4Relaxation.
Massage is based on the most basic human instinct - touch. We all instinctively rub a sore
back or an aching limb. Helen's hands can weave the magic of relief and it all begins with
that one touch. Helen offers a range of therapeutic, deep tissue and relaxation massages
designed to make you feel great and ready for anything. Perfect to relax and prepare you
for that all important date! To find out more, go to singlesgrapevine@aol.com
for Helen's email address.
******A Man for Australia.
Travel to Oz with Margaret from Kings Langley.
As part of my 60th birthday celebrations I’ve been saving up to take a trip to
Australia for about a month in 2006; the plan so far is to go in early December, stay for
Christmas and New Year and return to work in early January. The trip would start in
Melbourne, take in some diving on the Barrier Reef and who knows what else? Maybe you,
too, would like an adventurous holiday down under, so why not consider going together?
I’ve got a lovely smile, brown eyes and a fit body,1.65m tall, photo on
request. Email singlesgrapevine@aol.com for
Margaret's email address.
*****Lakeside Retreat in the Cotswolds
An exclusive lakeside retreat with 3 bedrooms set in beautifully maintained
grounds in the heart of the Cotswolds just 4
miles from Cirencester. It is the perfect location to explore the abundance of tourist
attractions and activities from walking to wakeboarding. Perhaps you prefer to relax and
unwind and enjoy the stunning views across the lake. Something for all the family. Let it
capture your imagination…..www.holidaycottageisis.com
******Be a social single - Worcester and Warwickshire areas.
Chaps and chappesses, age group 45 to 65, would you like to meet up for meals out, theatre
visits, walks, set up a reading club or suggest other interests? Even offer a
friendly gesture - be a "helping hand" with those awkward single handed jobs -
moving furniture, fixing up curtain rails etc. Email singlesgrapevine@aol.com for Pam's email
address.
******Surrey Singles
I am a 46 year old gentleman, looking to develop a social group in the Surrey area
for good company, evenings out, evenings in, concerts, walks.....and anything else that
takes our fancy! So if you are interested in a fun start to the festive season, then
please email singlesgrapevine@aol.com for
Chris' email address
******Making a new start
Are you in a relationship that is not working for you? Many of us stay in such
relationships because we cannot think of a way out. It takes a lot of courage to just walk
out. Many of us are afraid of being lonely so 'better the devil you know'. Some of us do
this even when we no longer love the person we are with. Why not use the services of a
specialist psychic to obtain a neutral second opinion? You may just get the help you need
and what a relief to know that you are not losing your mind. Call Brian "the
reluctant psychic" (email singlesgrapevine@aol.com
for Brian's phone number) or visit his web site http://www.save-your-relationship.co.uk
or write info@save-your-relationship.co.uk
******Northern Ireland - socialising for singles
Northern Ireland may not be the hottest of places for dating agencies, but the end of the
tunnel has a few strong lights. One of which is LETSGO www.letsgoni.com
- for whom I have worked as Webmaster for four years. Certainly not a dating agency, just
a group of single people getting out and about to dinners, walks, dances and other events.
Why not see what they have
to offer? Mark Hutchinson (member 24988)- email singlesgrapevine@aol.com
for Mark's email address
******Calling all Singles Mums
Hello. I'm a single Mum living in Cambridge with an 8 year old daughter. I thought it
would be nice to contact other single Mums with a daughter who might be interested in
getting together at weekends to play or maybe going on holiday together. Kate and I went
to Turkey last year and she had a great time in the kids club but I had no one to talk to.
If you're interested please email singlesgrapevine@aol.com
for B's email address. We're all going on a summer holiday.......
******Isle of Man
If any of our Isle of Man members would like to meet over dinner, one of our ladies has
started 'Invitations'. Groups of 6 compatible diners - 3 ladies, 3 gents - will be invited
to a 3-course dinner party in a private house - a way of making 5 new friends with luck.
Email singlesgrapevine@aol.com for D's email
address or telephone number.
******Get out and Socialise in the South
Grapevine member would like to set up an informal social group for unattached people
between the ages of 40 and 60 who live in the Portsmouth/Southampton/Winchester areas and
would like to meet new people in informal and relaxed environments. Here's your chance to
extend your circle of friends, both male and female. It is envisaged that initially the
group will meet up at wine bars, pubs or restaurants depending on numbers. If you are
interested please Email singlesgrapevine@aol.com
for Steph's email address
******Social
Group in Buckinghamshire. Two's Company - the aim of this group is for
members to extend their circle of unattached friends. We meet every other Wednesday in
Villiers Hotel, Buckingham. For further information please Email singlesgrapevine@aol.com for Judith's email
address
******Meet At
Last Singles Parties - London area
Meet at Last is singles parties without the pressure for fabulous singletons – just
turn up, meet some people and have fun. No formal introductions or speed dating, no name
badges or gimmicks, simply a great night out. Visit the site to see when the next party
is. Tickets are around £15 with the option of a pre-party warm up get together with TV
Dating Coaches Jo & Kirsty for just £25. Tickets must be booked in advance
– places are limited. To book your ticket visit www.meetatlast.com/singlesgrapevine.htm
or email the organiser Clare at clare@meetatlast.com with any queries.
******Quizzes
www.thequizshop.com. Great
quizzes for social, fund-raising and team-building events that everyone enjoys!
Download a free 50-question example and have a look.
**************************************************************************************
Please keep in touch. I always respond to all your emails as quickly and as fully as I
can. Don't forget to take a look at your own place in this newsletter - the Wine Bar - and
get together with lots and lots of other single people.
from Katherine
PS. If you'd like to upgrade and have dates of your own, please go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/join.htm
and if it's Internet Dating you want, go to www.singlesgrapevine-online.com
If you are a past member and would just like to come back as a free Guest for three
months, please just email me back to let me know.
ABOUT FISHES AND PONDS
And finally.....fishing!
Looking for a partner can need a lot of patience, and like fishes, a lot of them seem to
be slippery or don't want to be caught at all by you. Very frustrating! These fish also
have a say in who reels them in! Some just don't bite, some fall off just as you are about
to land them. I think the analogy is quite good. The more rare the type of fish you're
looking for, the fewer there will be. In some lakes there are just too few fish of a
certain kind and too many fishermen/women. Some people prefer to trawl with a wide net,
catch as many as possible and discard those they don't want (i.e. contact all the people
they can), where others go for just one very particular sort and size of fish. Some use
their bait more expertly...You may need a larger lake…I could go on and on…(some
of you probably say that I do go on and on!). You may need to practice your fishing
technique so you get more expert. I have also just heard this quote, 'If you don't like
the fish you're catching, change the bait'. (Better photo? Re-style your approach?).
.....................................................................................
Spring 2006
Newsletter for
members (past and present) This newsletter is sent to all members past and present who
have given Grapevine their e-mail address. If you are an old member and don't wish to
receive the newsletter any more, please reply with 'unsubscribe' along with your name and
postcode in the subject line
Hello to members past and present!
Why not try this little mental experiment. Just imagine you are in the middle of
your nearest town. The streets are packed as everyone has come out of their houses. Others
also have gathered in town from surrounding areas.
Now.....all the children go back in along with babies and younger people under about 25.
Next to go into their houses are the older folk, married and people in relationships. Next
we say goodbye to those who due to their circumstances aren't interested in meeting
someone just now. Then it's goodbye to anyone who hasn't internet access and email (which
would include anybody who can't read or write).
Imagine now that you have the power to send anyone else home that you wish! You will start
with all people of the same gender as yourself - so this gets rid of about 50%. Now maybe
you send packing those people still left that you feel may not be sufficiently
professional for you (this could account for over 80% of the remaining folk!). The crowd
has now thinned down dramatically, but some are too short, some are too large, some have
children and you don't want that - so away they go. You don't want smokers (and the papers
recently said 25% of the population still smoke - though I suspect school children push up
this average!) so it's goodbye to them. How many do you imagine are now left out of the
entire population of your town and surrounding areas? Not many! Out of this small, rather
embarrassed selection you will decide perhaps that you don't want those who have dogs, or
who read the Daily Mail, or who are into sport, or whose religion or ethnicity are not of
your choice.....
Ah-ha, but now those few who are left are given a chance to have their own say in the
matter. Out of your chosen few, those who are not looking for someone like you will turn
round and go home.
So, if only a handful of people remain and there is no instant chemistry between you as
your eyes meet across the market square, what do you do? Have you perhaps sent the best
ones home?
When I walked down the street of my nearest town the other day I just looked around me.
What proportion of the people walking past would suit me - judging on looks alone? And,
more to the point, how many of these are likely to be unattached and looking for someone
like me!! People are often surprised that there are not dozens of potential dates living
just around the corner from themselves, so this could make them think!
We now have a new look website. I have been restructuring and simplifying the membership.
Previous members reading this may be confused by the names of the membership levels where
mentioned. From now on 'free' members will be referred to as 'Guests' and we have just one
membership level for 'Members' who are those who have paid. To see the new site go to
www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk If you wish to rejoin go through the pages but don't fill
in all your details again - you will find a special link for you.
Until next time......
From Katherine
PS. Grapevine is not a 'dating site'. I know this can be confusing to Internet
daters! Grapevine, as you can see from our newsletters, is more of a personal service. If
anybody wants reminding how we work just go to the site (link at end) and click FAQ or go
to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/upgrade.htm
*************************************************************************************
CONTENTS
1. Emails
2. This and That
3. Article from a magazine
4. Email problems and advice
5. Age
6. Photos & Etiquette (repeat)
7. The WINE BAR - your contributions
Previous newsletters can be seen online at www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/newsletter.htm
************************************************************************************
1. Some Recent EMAILS from Members (and matters arising).
(Please don't be afraid to email me for fear of my publishing your emails. I omit
or slightly change identifying details without altering the actual message so that the
'other party' won't recognise him/herself!)
"I joined 5 years ago and found a man that I am now married to.My sister is now
at a stage where she is looking at finding a nice man to enjoy life with........."
"Just wanted to let you know that 'A' and I are going strong and I wanted to
thank you for your encouragement and support when I wanted to give up this time last
year......We spent Xmas together and it was lovely and romantic.....I have recommended you
to several people, a couple I know have joined and have met some nice chaps.Thank you
again for such a wonderful service."
Unfortunately things like this do happen from time to time: "........well, we
arranged to meet for a coffee and lunch. After 10 minutes he stood up and said he was
going. He later emailed me along the lines of there was no chemistry and it was obvious it
was going nowhere...."
Now, I think I made a mistake and sent one of the following couple somebody who lived much
much too far away in error! "Hi Katherine, I have been dating 'L' through
Grapevine.....we really like each other and could I please be removed from any other
contacts. It has been a great success for us both so thanks a million. I am very happy. If
you want me to write something to endorse grapevine then I easily could....Thank you
again, it has been excellent". I remember a gentleman member a while ago, when
asked how far he would be prepared to travel to meet someone, quoted from the song 'I'd
walk a million miles for one of her smiles'. That's certainly not necessary, but a bit of
flexibility helps.
"Hello Katherine, incredible as this is going to sound, but I have met someone,
via the Grapevine!!! She got in touch recently, we then met a few days later and hit
it off immediately. Altho' it's early days still, obviously, I hope and pray that
she turns out to be the one I've been looking for...We are both very happy we've met and
greatly enjoy one another's company. Bet you never thought I'd find any one stuck out
here........PS I won't say who the lady is yet as it's for her to do that when she too is
ready. All I'll say is that she comes from close to a city I'd asked you to ignore
for my purposes as I thought it was too far away... Ironic, isn't it!"
This lady also fell for someone who was not what she thought she wanted (she has met
someone through a friend) but she told me that she wanted someone really tall and this
illustrates a point! "He is dark but not tall or handsome but is the most
wonderful, kind, caring person I have met in 10 years on my own and I feel very fortunate
- we get on so well".
"You have made two people very happy, and although no guarantees of what the
future holds, we would never have met without Grapevine."
Sadly not all the emails are happy or complimentary. They are very much in the minority
but being only human they are the ones that stick with me the most. Often (not always)
they are from people who have not asked for my help along the way or used the membership
support As illustrated in the case of this quote the member needed a higher, more
selective membership level which would have cost more if they are going to be very
specific: "Haven't replied not at all impressed with your service - the matches
you sent me were not at all suitable to me...."
Here is another disappointing email from someone really is putting in the effort. He
refers to my analogy of dating and an imaginary game of snakes and ladders in my last
newsletter: "Hi Katherine, Well, I've just read your latest newsletter, and I'm
beginning to wish someone would at least let me get off square one. I don't mind braving
snakes, but I've not even been near a ladder yet. I'd been chatting to one of the ladies
whose details you recently sent and things were going well. She asked if I could supply a
photo, so I did (see attached just to prove I'm not quasimodo). Surprise surprise, I've
not had any contact since. Just like last time. (if I had any feelings I think I'd be a
touch miffed at the rudeness by now :-/ ) Keep throwing the dice I guess... I just wish
someone would play."
The main thing that causes problems with membership, and results in frustration, is lack
of replies from other members emailed. Many people who are perhaps a bit wary when signing
up give a little-used email address and after a few days just forget to check it ever
again - more later!
This is better. “I was really nervous when I first took the plunge with Grapevine
but I’m so glad I did. I joined 4 mths after the break-up of a long-term
relationship and was really unhappy at that time! Although I’ve only had a
handful of dates over the past 12mths, I can honestly say that every man I’ve met up
with has been really decent and lovely so THANK YOU!!!! ... never thought I’d ever
get over my ex-partner as he was the ‘love of my life’....Thank you again for
your fabulous service over the past 12mths Katherine. It really is excellent and very much
appreciated! Especially by the likes of me who run a mile from Internet dating
sites!”
"....in fact he was the first person I e-mailed via Grapevine...we kept up the
e-mail contact for a while then finally met..so for me it was beginners luck! It's early
days..Thank you for the good wishes (and once again, for the perfect match!)
"Happy New Year to you. I just thought I'd drop you a quick line to say thank you
for the profiles you have sent through, but also to let you know that I am now dating a
guy whom I met through Grapevine...so far it's going really well and we seem to be a great
match. So, thank you once again!"
This lady has so far not been so lucky. I believe it's so important, whilst promoting
yourself in the best light, to be strictly truthful: "I have been
disappointed......the honesty of the men with regard to there self description leaves much
to be desired. I have been on 3 dates and on each occasion their perception of themselves
has been so different from reality. Maybe serial daters would be a good way to describe
them! My expectations of the dates I've had have not been too high. I only expected to
have a fun evening. I think some people project a false image when hiding behind their
keyboards. However I still remain hopeful!"
"Thank you so much for your unfailing courtesy and very prompt replies to any
questions of mine (stupid or otherwise)... "
"...I'm sure I can re-iterate as to how thankful we both are for you introducing
us.........I travelled all over the world and found him here (thanks to you) on my
doorstep..funny how life takes us eh?"
"..thanks for all the e-mails you have sent over the past few weeks. Do you remember
speaking to 'A' last week and she telling you that she had found somebody? Well she was
talking about me and things are going very well.Therefore could I ask that my details not
be forwarded to other people from now on, find it difficult to say "sorry but"
to people.Thank you for your time and trouble, best wishes to you and yours, keep up the
good work, only for you A and myself wouldn't have met."
"Dear Katherine, as a free member I met someone six months ago on my first contact,
thanks for Grapevine".
"Please would you be able to suspend my membership for now. I have met someone,
actually one of your members and we get on famously. Things look promising although it is
early days, so we will see how it goes".
"Many thanks for my free membership to the Singles Grapevine. I have just had the
best Christmas and New Year ever thanks to meeting Kay through your service.
Although it is early days K is really special and I would appreciate if my details were
not sent to any other members. It goes without saying that I will recommend the Singles
Grapevine to anyone I meet who is looking for friendships or more. I personally had nearly
given up on the notion of finding that ‘someone special’ and am so grateful I
joined the Singles Grapevine..."
"I thank you very much for all your help. I have met someone through Grapevine
and I am seeing him regularly. I think that it is more honest for me to be removed from
the mailing list." Many free members are one half of a happy couple. Grapevine
has to have free members - we need the numbers - but free memberships don't help our
advertising budget!
"I have met a member of Grapevine .....We have been going out together since Feb.
Thank you for helping us find one another."
"Katherine, Thanks to your help, Jane and I were married on 29th October." Jim
& Jane
I always get some weird emails. Here's one: "With reference to your letter I
received today, Thursday 12th January 2006, I would like to inform you that I no longer
wish you to advertise my details in the News of the World". (News of the
World??).
Here are emails from a couple of people who have worked hard at it, and need a break:"....I
have received some introductions from you from several potentially very pleasant and
possibly compatible women. However, I feel I need a break from the daily stress of
"will today be the day" and pursuing various leads can itself become quite an
engrossing but also exhausting experience."
"I enjoyed your last newsletter as usual. I still have not found Mr Right but
have given up for now on trying.You have been so good trying to find me someone and I feel
you are a friend. I hope you and your family and your lovely dogs have a great new
year and I will keep in touch, Once again thanks for everything you have done for me and
for being there when I was down I appreciate it. You are more than a dating agency you are
a true friend".
*****************************************************
"....even if I email you late at night you still reply back within minutes/hour
or 2/ you must be a workaholic....." A prompt response is part of what members
pay Grapevine for in this internet dating world where they probably would get no personal
response at all and if they did they would have to wait.
"I like the service which you are offering and the thought that there is someone else
who is 'batting on my side'!" That is a very good way of putting it - I like it.
This next is from someone, accustomed to Internet dating, who just had a Trial membership
and who has missed the real point of Grapevine. If wanting numbers alone anybody would
know the answer would be to sign up for as many internet dating sites as they can find: "Thank
you but I will no longer require the service, I found that the people that you sent me
(there were only four for a 'trial' membership) were already on various dating
websites....."
"Hello Katherine, I just like to say how nice it is not to be mailing an auto
response.."
"I'm always so impressed by how quick you reply !!!!"
"I became very fed up with trawling through dating sites - in fact I soon just
couldn't be bothered. Everyone's different I know, but I find it so much nicer to be
personally emailed by Grapevine with members I might like to meet....."
"Your service as offered has been excellent, in addition to being supportive and
empathetic."
***************************************************
It's always nice to hear from the many people who found Grapevine helpful, even though
they ultimately met someone elsewhere.
"Many thanks for your kind help and professional service, which has much to
commend it. I have recently been fortunate to meet a lovely girl through a friend of a
friend and all is rosy in my garden. I wouldn't hesitate in recommending grapevine."
"I've met someone wonderful (not through SinglesGrapevine, though it is a great
service that I
have recommended to a friend) so please would you cancel my membership.....Thanks for all
your help over the time I've been with you."
"Just to let you know that I am no longer single. I didn't find the match through
grapevine, but have always been pleased with your uniquely personal service."
"I have met someone outside of Grapevine and no longer require membership.... I can
say that you do provide a good hands on services and would recommend you to others. Thanks
for your help and all the best for 2006."
***************************************************
2. This and
That.
Here are a couple of recent quotes from members:
"I hate computers, - just like men, can't live with them, cant live
without them"
"But, as the Japanese proverb says: fall down seven times, stand up eight!"
The ongoing problem of free memberships:
It would be impossible to provide the numbers and choice without the free members.
Grapevine subsidises them on behalf of paying members. Each one will have received full
details explaining how Grapevine works with a copy of their own details. If they have not
responded within about 4 days they must reply to my introductory ‘checking’
email before anyone further receives their details.
Out of every 100 members who join about 25 pay or upgrade quickly, about 10 will be
rejected as unsuitable (inappropriate content mostly). This leaves 65 free members. 20
will reply to my emails and some more eventually upgrade. This leaves me chasing and
unable to send out 45% of all the people who sign up. Even though I remove getting on for
half of the people who join from circulation because they don't respond to emails,
non-replies are still the biggest problem. Incidentally and for those who are interested,
apart from referrals and some newspaper advertising, most members come from Google or
Overture 'pay per click' ads. Only a small number of those 'clicks' actually sign up so
each actual member signing up costs Grapevine about £2.80 to 'acquire' (and this is
everyone - free members, members who are not accepted and the paying members).
This email is from a
lady who just happens to have been sent only free members so far (luck of the draw): "...I
am finding it too embarrassing when I contact people to be told they hadn't joined,
forgotten they had registered , only did that to see if anything might happen and know
nothing about me . It doesn't make me feel I am being 'introduced ' to people more like I
am 'cold calling'." I am sure you will remember that the form new members fill
in is fairly demanding -and it would be hard to forget one had done so I would have
thought. Next email: "Hi katherine I have contacted 3 gentlemen in all .....They
all told me that they had never actually joined Grapevine...." In one of these
cases I had exchanged emails with the man in question two or three times, in the second
case the man had previous been a paying member and had rejoined, and the third was new and
I had only just emailed him. Grrrrrrrr!! (I do know that she in fact did see one of the
gentlemen several times and has made a friend).
My Reply: "Hi M, I think it all boils down to the fact that these particular
gentlemen (like many more in this age group) must belong to various dating sites and so
they attach less importance to it all - and expect everything to work in the same way.
They may even have genuinely lost track of what they have joined. They are not used to
being accountable."
Here are couple of quotes from the BBC Money Programme which was looking into dating sites
and dating agencies. Following two very disheartening experiences with dates from Dating
Direct, Susan Murray's verdict is downbeat. "I just don't like how clinical it
all feels.....I just think that it's not natural and the more I do it the more of a nasty
taste it leaves in my mouth......Internet dating is not for me - in fact, it's crap."
Sara Eden, an upmarket upmarket conventional agency is riding high. Far from being wiped
out by the web, Karen Mooney who runs it argues that "the internet's been
brilliant because it's actually brought dating into people's homes and it's taken away a
lot of the taboo".
Nat Elliot of Jupiter Research says: "The traditional dating agencies can have a
very good future. Online dating doesn't replace the traditional offline dating agencies.
It offers a different service for a different audience."
So, by being much more 'across the board' and affordable than upmarket Sara Eden -
offering a service to people from both ends of the professional spectrum, and at about one
tenth of the price, Grapevine answers the requirements of many people.
Finally on this subject, here is an email I have just received from a lady: "Did
you see the Watchdog broadcast last night about A*******? Their ‘director’ was
promising yet again to improve their service. I immediately phoned them to tell them that
they still owed me £300 worth of dates having joined 4 years ago! They informed me that
my membership had been put on hold for reasons unknown!! For £300 I get a mere 3 dates.
The woman on the end of the line informed me that Avenues is the sister company of Direct
Dating – which is the company that Channel 4 and the Independent Newspaper use (or
used to use) for their dating services.Your fees are minuscule in comparison, especially
considering the level of service you give. I’m amazed that you manage to earn a
living from it".
Photos
We are now getting many more photos submitted - and I am pushing for photos constantly. I
can scan them in myself if necessary, I can crop them, I can email people copies of their
photos...I do everything I can to help. However, some people want to see photos but won't
provide one themselves: "...at present I do not wish to send a photo". There's
not much Grapevine can do about that!
Dating
Getting to the date itself seems to present big problems to some people. Often the
emailing stage goes on for too long - and in the meantime one party meets up with someone
else and drops out of the correspondence.
Here is someone who is not willing to take any risks: "I seem to have real
problem with choosing who I want to meet via a printed description (my problem, not yours,
you have been more than helpful). I find myself either being too judgmental initially or
contacting them and, to date, making a mistake.."
A date is just for a couple of hours, not for the rest of your life. What have you got to
lose in risking just meeting someone who turns out to be 'not your type'? will see!
**********************************************************************************************
3. An article
I have broken away from my usual sort of advertising to place a quarter page in a booklet
that is circulated in the Isle of Man called Manx Tails. I shall paraphrase a piece by a
Liberty Knox called Brief Encounter on Online Dating. Although a bit exaggerated, it's
quite good I think.
'Money can buy you anything on eBay...The only thing that even bottomless pockets won't
buy you is lasting love...Yet according to the world of Online Dating (which Grapevine is
not) you can increase your chances..at the click of a mouse. Just log in, pay your fee,
and cast your drift net....Like organic supermarkets and all day licensing, online dating
is a reflection of our times which seduces us into thinking we could be living
differently. It's a cracking idea in principle. This is the age of the five minute
concentration span. We live longer, we settle later, and we won't settle for less. We've
become such good consumers that we apply the rules of purchase to relationships; if it
ain't broke throw it out and buy a better one....How wide do you cast your net, and when
do you pull it in? How long do you keep panning for gold, when you're not sure how to
recognise a nugget? Maybe you've already riddled him/her through your pan because he/she
was a jazz-loving Pisces....' The next bit definitely applies to Grapevine also, 'Online
dating can feel more like online data: the more personal detail we can prejudge a person
on, the less margin we leave for love as an inexact science. Falling irrationally in love
is one of life's most exasperating privileges...MORE CHOICE DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN MORE
CHANCE.....'. The article continues in this vein to the end, but there's many a true
word...! I would add that people running internet dating sites are onto a winner. They are
automated, so they just set things in motion, take the money and then they can get on with
their lives, uninvolved, doing something else!
**********************************************************************************
4. Email problems
Courtesy and kindness
It is a shame that some people, where dating is concerned, treat members who contact them
in a way they would never dream of treating any other stranger. Here is an example sent to
me by a gentleman. "I hope nobody else ends up feeling the way I do at the
moment. I called her and had a very nice and amusing conversation for about ten minutes
until she asked me how tall I was. On telling her she said ' no.....its been nice
talking to you, bye'. End of conversation." Kindness and politeness don't cost
anything, do they. Some of the most charismatic and successful men have been short (Tom
Cruise, Dudley Moore, Rod Stewart....)
And this is from a lady. "Well, I'm still looking. I have to say I have made some
nice friends through Grapevine that I continue to meet up but have no attachment to anyone
and I'm still looking for a partner. Anyway, you've certainly helped me to enjoy the
journey! I continue to be surprised by people's lack of courtesy. I sent four emails to
people on my my latest list of profiles and after over a week when none of them had
replied, I followed up each one with a telephone call (not a message) to introduce myself.
Three of the four never bothered to contact me at all. The fourth sounded keen and
said I'd made his day.Then a few days later I got a photograph sent on my phone which may
have been from him (but I had to guess); there was no verbal or text message to go with it
to confirm, and it was a bad photo. Well I cut my losses and decided to move on.
I've got plenty of other examples of rudeness, laziness, can't be bothered......Do these
guys want to meet anyone or what?"
non-replies
People may feel Grapevine members are bad at responding, but here is an email from a
gentleman: "..I can say that from calling ads in newspapers the response is
nearly zero.....I put my own ad in seven newspapers last year, I think each one ran for
about two months. I had three responses.."
"Hello Katherine, Thank you for all your help so far J it is greatly appreciated! I
have been a member of a number of online dating agencies (I know this isn’t one J)
and although only a couple of people have replied to emails I have sent, this is by far
and away a much higher percentage than I have encountered anywhere else.."
What ratio of people contacted via Internet Dating sites (which we are not) bother to
reply, I wonder. One lady has just told me she averages one reply in six emails. Perhaps
some of you would like to give me your feedback? I spend hours chasing up replies. It gets
progressively worse, but I hear that it is significantly better than with internet dating.
About half of the people on our database are not in active circulation for this very
reason. I tread a delicate line because if I nag people too much they may just say 'get
lost' and continue with internet dating where they are left in peace! Even 2 years ago
this was not the problem that it is now. So, to you members who can't get replies - we are
in this together. You and me both!
I know that one of the main reasons for silence from a member is that he/she has signed up
giving a little-used email address and after a few days just forgetting to check it. We
all probably set up special free email addresses from time to time to avoid being swamped
by spam, email addresses being sold on etc. New members can't be sure, I suppose, that
Grapevine won't do this.
Here is a lady who also has used internet dating. "....I always reply to email
contact and been on several dates....Like you I firmly believe that anyone who makes the
effort deserves to given my efforts in return...what's one boring date in the big scheme
of things anyway!"
"...I did send emails to two gentlemen before Christmas. However I received no
response, so re-sent in case they were away or whatever.... Unfortunately, either neither
of them received my emails or ..... Any suggestions? It takes quite a lot of
"confidence" to make contact, and to receive no response at all tends to dent
one's self-esteem - an email saying "thanks but no thanks" is better than
nothing at all...."
Reasons for not replying - (and some excuses)
One gentleman who has been working very hard to find someone right for himself, using
various different methods, and I would like to thank him for this list of just some of the
ladies' excuses!
Skiing
Have an ill relative.
My daughter keeps taking my mobile phone so I don't get your messages
My circumstances have changed (that many times).
I've met someone else.
I am now writing to someone else.
A friend has introduced my to someone else.
No luv, I'm looking for someone taller
I don't like people who likes cats
I'm allergic to cats
You have to send me a photo of yourself before I'll talk to you. Many times (and from
ladies with no photo themselves).
I don't have a car
I'll call you early next week
I'll call you
I'll call you next Wednesday
My sister has had a car crash and I can't think of anything else. Please don't call again.
My son keeps hiding my phone so I can't find it.
My ex father in law has had a heart attack and I have to stay by the phone in case the
hospital call (answerphone message).
Communication problems and emails sent to me:
"Hi, this morning you kindly phoned me to say that my email address was not
accepting email from you, to confirm my initial application. I have rectified the
situation. I hadn't activated the email account, but it is now ok..."
"Thanks for this I have read and understood your message. My apologies for the
delay in replying. I was extremely busy before going away on holiday and have just
returned."
"I have just recently returned from a long holiday"
"Have been overseas America and Australia and am going thro' 100s of emails..."
"Sorry for some reason the emails were going to my junk mail box. Yes I am
still single and still available for any details". (Hotmail)
"Sorry about not replying first time, but I deleted your original email by
mistake"
"Sorry for the delay, I have been ill"
"Sorry about the delay getting back to you, my computer died and I ended up getting a
new one..."
This from a lady of 33: "I feel bad as after reading your last newsletter, as I
realise that I have occasionally been one of the people who have not replied to contact
from some people. I find it hard, though, since those ones have been people quite a bit
older than me with children, and although I totally realise that I shouldn't be fussy, I
really would rather not meet them since I have found that age over 40 and children are
unlikely to work for me." Next email from her says, "I haven't tried any other
internet-type dating options, and I don't feel I need to because you have been so
brilliant even though I am only a free member! I promise I will reply in future
".
"..yes sorry it ended up in bulk junk. Will reply now"
"Mailbox disk quota exceeded.......Service unavailable"
"...had a problem accessing my e-mail"
"I just wanted to let you know that I am having problems with my email,...... It
won't let me send email or look at any email address, to be honest it's a big
nightmare"
Useful information from a lady and which could apply to 'signatures' at the end of your
email: "you mentioned that your emails often end up in spam folders. I just had a
message telling me that your email went to the spam folder because it contains
"obscured or disguised weblinks". As this is clearly considered less than
desirable by my firewall, I don't want to switch the blocking off for all emails. Have you
considered removing the weblinks, however useful they may be under certain circumstances,
or at least turning them into ordinary text?"
It's easy to assume a non-reply is rudeness or something personal, but often it is just
that your email, for some reason or other, has never been opened.
I email persistent non-replies from a personal sounding email address. If they still don't
reply I can be pretty sure that they have given an email address that they simply don't
check. We are stuck then because I can't get through to them either!
5. Age
This is from a new gentleman in his mid-forties, before he had received any dates. I hope
my newsletter doesn't come over like this to too many other people, because it looks very
different from my side of things. It is also hard to convey a 'tone' in emails and I hit a
raw nerve here. I shall have to be a lot more careful."...I must say I felt more
than a little patronised (this of my quotes about older gentlemen and younger ladies)... I
hope this isn't the general quality of your 'advice and support' ...It's not about looking
for someone to look after me when I'm old ......The fact is that I'm looking for someone
younger than me (bracket roughly late 20s-late 30s) because I want to have more
children.... Actually, an older man with a younger woman is the natural order of things
(especially if the man is 'high status'). This may be changing over time but it's still a
reality, and will ALWAYS be more the norm than the other way round."
This next gentlemen had very recently, not with Grapevine though, lied about his age: "Once
I knocked off a couple of years I was literally swamped with messages. I told the truth to
those I met and had no problems (mostly 39-44)- but most said they would not have made
contact if I had put 51. That's life..."
This one is from another of about the same age after meeting lady a little older than
himself. "Hi Katherine, please can you put my membership on hold as I have met X
who is helping me to eat my hat after my comments re.older girls. Fantastic, thank
you."
6. Photos & Etiquette (again)
Photos
For the sake of new members, I repeat from before these basic instructions about the sort
of photo we would like to include.
No photo at all is much better than a bad one! A careless photo looks as though you don't
feel it's worth the effort which is a total turn-off for anyone who receives your details.
No photo can look like lack of effort also - though I know many people would prefer to
exchange photos personally with people for reasons of confidentiality. Here is a rough
guide to the sort of photo Grapevine likes to include - and if you don't have a good one,
why not go and get a good one taken? this is important!
1. Head and shoulders is all we use, and can crop if necessary, (if you are a small speck
in a large photo then it will be too fuzzy!).
2. Not scruffy. Look smart or smart/casual if you seriously want people to contact you.
Dressed is essential - for instance standing by a pool with dripping hair is not
appropriate here.
3. Dignified. We don't want alluring semi-naked staged photos - people can always send any
photos they wish direct to the other person. The photo is meant to show what a person you
could meet looks like and useless if you wouldn't recognise them from the photo.
4. Honesty. Make sure the photo is recent. If a gentleman is bald, nobody is fooled if the
top of his head is cut off the photo!
5. Be seen. If you are wearing dark glasses your face can't be seen. If you are wearing a
hat you can't be seen properly either.
6. Don't use webcam. Photos taken by yourself look sad. They are invariably distorted or
too close-up and do you no favour at all. A photo booth would be better.
7. Face Forward and look approachable. Try not to look unhappy - though laughing isn't
necessary either. Try to look friendly and confident. Look into the camera.
Etiquette (for the sake of new members I have left this section in
from last time)
Quite a lot of emails between me and members concerns uncertainty over the date itself -
and this is usually the gentlemen I must say. Anyway - this is usually my response though
you may not agree with it!: "If you were going out with me I would expect you to
welcome me, buy first drinks and then I would expect to pay for the next round. I also
would always offer to pay my share of a meal." Some men - especially older ones -
insist, so it's not worth too much arguing! (A few I'm sad to say, both men and women,
even feel they are doing the other person a favour by meeting them, and they leave the
flabbergasted person with the whole bill!!! )
My advice is:
Don't be late.
Never stand someone up.
Dress appropriately (smart/casual?). Looking scruffy/dirty hair/unshaven (men!) is
inexcusable when the other party will probably have put in the effort. Nose picking, beard
picking and scratching definitely a no-no (I've heard it all - believe me!). Ladies -
dress code not toooo sexy or too much make-up. Gentlemen - be at the venue first if
possible, be welcoming. Helping the other person makes you forget about yourself! If
he/she's hard work then at least you have done your bit.
Show interest and listen as well as talk. Difficult when you're a bit nervous because you
feel frightened of silences!
Don't run down or ‘slag off’ past dates or your ex. It's very intimidating to
date someone who tells you on the first date that he/she has belonged to every dating site
there is and has lost count of how many dates he/she has been on.
Don't avoid eye contact - people don't like that!
Don't talk on mobile phone during a first date
Don't take a child or friend on a date (this unbelievably sometimes happens)
Don't escape through the toilet window!
Have a little humility. No other member of the human race is so unworthy that you can't be
courteous for half an hour of your time should you find you have met someone you are not
attracted to
Go Dutch on first date
Don't drink too much!
*************************************************************************************
8. The WINE BAR…….. the place where you, the members, can meet!
This is YOUR place in the newsletter where you could potentially get what you want to say
to thousands of people throughout the UK. It's never too late to add your piece as the
newsletter is constantly updated and going out to new members. You may, for instance, like
to start a dinner group in your area — or just organise a one-off meal. Here is the
place to promote it.
******A Man for Australia. Travel to Oz with Margaret from Kings Langley.
As part of my 60th birthday celebrations I’ve been saving up to take a trip to
Australia for about a month in 2006; the plan so far is to go in early December, stay for
Christmas and New Year and return to work in early January. The trip would start in
Melbourne, take in some diving on the Barrier Reef and who knows what else? Maybe you,
too, would like an adventurous holiday down under, so why not consider going together?
I’ve got a lovely smile, brown eyes and a fit body,1.65m tall, photo on
request. Email address: xxxxxxxxxx
******Be a social single - Worcester and Warwickshire areas.
Chaps and chappesses, age group 45 to 65, would you like to meet up for meals out, theatre
visits, walks, set up a reading club or suggest other interests? Even offer a
friendly gesture - be a "helping hand" with those awkward single handed jobs -
moving furniture, fixing up curtain rails etc.
******Surrey Singles
I am a 46 year old gentleman, looking to develop a social group in the Surrey area
for good company, evenings out, evenings in, concerts, walks.....and anything else that
takes our fancy! So if you are interested in a fun start to the festive season, then
please contact Chris at xxxxxxxxxxxxx
******Making a new start
Are you in a relationship that is not working for you? Many of us stay in such
relationships because we cannot think of a way out. It takes a lot of courage to just walk
out. Many of us are afraid of being lonely so 'better the devil you know'. Some of us do
this even when we no longer love the person we are with. Why not use the services of a
specialist psychic to obtain a neutral second opinion? You may just get the help you need
and what a relief to know that you are not losing your mind. Call Brian "the
reluctant psychic" Snellgrove on 020 8670 4344 or visit his web site
http://www.save-your-relationship.co.uk or write info@save-your-relationship.co.uk
******Northern Ireland - socialising for singles
Northern Ireland may not be the hottest of places for dating agencies, but
the end of the tunnel has a few strong lights. One of which is LETSGO
www.letsgoni.com - for whom I have worked as Webmaster for four years.
Certainly not a dating agency, just a group of single people getting out and
about to dinners, walks, dances and other events. Why not see what they have
to offer? Mark Hutchinson (member 24988) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
******Calling all Singles Mums
Hello. I'm a single Mum living in Cambridge with an 8 year old daughter. I thought it
would be nice to contact other single Mums with a daughter who might be interested in
getting together at weekends to play or maybe going on holiday together. Kate and I went
to Turkey last year and she had a great time in the kids club but I had no one to talk to.
If you're interested please email me at xxxxxxxxxxxx We're all going on a summer
holiday.......
******Isle of Man
If any of our Isle of Man members would like to meet over dinner, one of our
ladies has started 'Invitations'. Groups of 6 compatible diners - 3 ladies, 3 gents - will
be invited to a 3-course dinner party in a private house - a way of making 5 new friends
with luck. Email invitations@hxxxxxxxxxxx
******Get out and Socialise in the South
Grapevine member would like to set up an informal social group for unattached people
between the ages of 40 and 60 who live in the Portsmouth/Southampton/Winchester areas and
would like to meet new people in informal and relaxed environments. Here's your chance to
extend your circle of friends, both male and female. It is envisaged that initially the
group will meet up at wine bars, pubs or restaurants depending on numbers. If you are
interested please e-mail xxxxxxxxxxx
******Social
Group in Buckinghamshire
Two's Company - the aim
of this group is for members to extend their circle of unattached friends. We meet every
other Wednesday in Villiers Hotel, Buckingham. For further information please e mail
Judith at xxxxxxxxxx
******Meet At
Last Singles Parties - London area
Meet at Last is singles parties without the pressure for fabulous singletons – just
turn up, meet some people and have fun. No formal introductions or speed dating, no name
badges or gimmicks, simply a great night out. Visit the site to see when the next party
is. Tickets are around £15 with the option of a pre-party warm up get together with TV
Dating Coaches Jo & Kirsty for just £25. Tickets must be booked in advance
– places are limited. To book your ticket visit
www.meetatlast.com/singlesgrapevine.htm or email the organiser Clare at
clare@meetatlast.com with any queries.
******Image Consultant
A gentleman has sent us this very helpful email: "...I don't think you could say to
somebody that they should see an Image Consultant but if it came up in conversation Linda
Balint of First Impressions would be worth a call. She lives north of Towcester in
Northants and her email is xxxxxxxxxx....she put my in touch with, in the Milton Keynes
area, a dentist that specialises tooth whitening, a hairdresser for a more modern hair
style, a tailor who when I went to see him had instruction from her about how things
should be cut, and I had to change my glasses. She helps both men and women...."
******Quizzes
Here is a new site set up by someone I know - take a look: www.thequizshop.com
******Far Infrared Sauna - for the ultimate in well-being
My neighbours have now been using their far infrared sauna for a few months, and if I had
somewhere to put it I would definitely have one myself - I think I could do with it! It
seems to do just about everything, and checking on the internet I don't think its claims
are exaggerated. It seems that regular use of this kind of far infrared sauna gets rid of
toxins in a certain way, and there is a marked improvement in all sorts of things - skin
and hair, general pain (headaches, joint pain etc.), resistance to infection...but what
interests me the most personally as many testimonials report (and which my neighbours
verify already), is a general feeling of well-being and energy. I may be going over the
top if I carry on any more - but why not phone Iain (member 14745) on 01933 303077 for
more information, or email him on ultimate.sauna@virgin.net
******Retrieving personal emails from different computers
Here is some useful information kindly given to us by a new member in I.T.:
'A lot of people assume that the only place they can retrieve their personal emails is
from their own home computer. A lot of people also use computers with internet access at
work. They may well use their work email address as their point of contact for Grapevine
which means they can send and receive Grapevine correspondence from work (during their
lunchbreak of course!) But if you don't do this and have an independent email address from
an internet service provider which you use for private use at home, you can (usually)
still access your emails by using this web site. www.mail2web.com
Simply go to this page (at work when you're on your lunch and nobody's watching!), type in
your home email address and password and click 'Check Email'. Couldn't be simpler! And you
can get your emails this way from any computer, anywhere in the world that is connected to
the internet.
Alternatives are of course the web based email providers such as Microsoft's Hotmail.
(Personally not my choice.)' Mine neither!
Here's a bit of nonsens from me - one 'forward' worth passing on!
"My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have
taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months. Thank
you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and healthy.
* Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes -
cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. Also, I
scrub The top of every can I open for the same reason.
* Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it can
remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.
* I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS.
* I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a
hot day.
* I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and
rob me.
* I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
* I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out
for me.
* Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to
seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
* I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the internet who is
about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
* I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line
email program.
Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I
will now return the favour!
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7minutes, a large
pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this
afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician".
**************************************************************************************
Please keep in touch. I always respond to all your emails as quickly and as fully as I
can. Don't forget to take a look at your own place in this newsletter - the Wine Bar - and
get together with lots and lots of other single people.
from Katherine
PS. If you'd like to rejoin or upgrade and have dates of your own, please go to
www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/rejoin.htm
ABOUT FISHES AND PONDS
And finally.....fishing!
Looking for a partner can need a lot of patience, and like fishes, a lot of them seem to
be slippery or don't want to be caught at all by you. Very frustrating! These fish also
have a say in who reels them in! Some just don't bite, some fall off just as you are about
to land them. I think the analogy is quite good. The more rare the type of fish you're
looking for, the fewer there will be. In some lakes there are just too few fish of a
certain kind and too many fishermen/women. Some people prefer to trawl with a wide net,
catch as many as possible and discard those they don't want (ie. contact all the people
they can), where others go for just one very particular sort and size of fish. Some use
their bait more expertly...You may need a larger lake…I could go on and on…(some
of you probably say that I do go on and on!). You may need to practice your fishing
technique so you get more expert. I have also just heard this quote, 'If you don't like
the fish you're catching, change the bait'. (Better photo? Re-style your approach?).
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