Newsletter for members (past and present) This newsletter is sent to all members past and present who have given Grapevine their e-mail address. If you are an old member and don't wish to receive the newsletter any more, please reply with 'unsubscribe' along with your name and postcode in the subject line        

Merry Christmas to members past and present!

I hope you will have a happy time and, if you are alone, not be drawing the curtains and staying in bed until the day is over like someone I know. If this sounds like you, whilst it may be too late for this Christmas, perhaps Grapevine can make this a thing of the past for you by next Christmas so now is the time to be meeting people (something as important as finding someone special and building up a good relationship could take a while!).

Here is one of my generalisations concerning single people: Over Christmas ladies are busy and men are bored (the exceptions prove the rule!), hence the current membership offer - no.'1' below.

There has been a lot of dating stuff in the news recently, hasn't there - prompted by the new Bridget Jones film. Apparently, so the papers say, there is now a generation of Ben Joneses in their thirties as well - complaining that none of the attractive women seem to be looking for a long-term relationship. 

If you are interested where you yourself might fit into the scheme of things based on your age, where you live etc., go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/eligible.htm which is a chart based on a rule of thumb used by most reputable dating organisations that aren't just out to 'get your money'..

Out of respect for the many members who may not be dog lovers, I won't mention my dogs this time (if you would like to exchange doggy photos with me just let me know;)!

Enjoy a break from work and hopefully some happy socialising.

From Katherine

7.The WINE BAR - Social area - your contributions

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1.Christmas membership offer (only valid between the date you receive this newsletter and 25th December, not backdated).

Following on from my observations that over the holiday period (and I know there are many exceptions - you may be one of them), single ladies are busy and single men are bored, I am offering two incentives to make joining NOW, before December 25th, worthwhile.

Please don't accuse me of being sexist as I am giving advantages to both men and women - but different ones! It is in order to redress the balance for the benefit of all. It should be a good time of year for the ladies who are wanting to date!

LADIES: Sign up before Christmas Day for Standard membership or Premium membership and I will give you a 25% discount. Just go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/upgrade.htm and before you select to pay, send me a message via 'contact us' or directly by email with your name, postcode and '25% discount please' in the subject line.

GENTLEMEN: Sign up before Christmas Day for Standard membership or Premium membership and I will give you 5 extra dates - extending your membership period if necessary. Just go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/upgrade.htm and before you select to pay, send me a message via 'contact us' or directly by email with your name, postcode and '5 extra dates please' in the subject line.

NB. Both ladies and gentlemen may have another 'free' membership where they don't themselves receive the details of other members, but other members get to receive theirs. Just email me back with your name, membership number or postcode and I will be glad to give you three months.

(I have also introduced a new membersip level - Gold. Details on www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/upgrade.htm)************************************************************************************
2. Some more recent EMAILS from Members (and matters arising).

As usual, there are some happy emails - to encourage those of you still seeking, and some unhappy emails to show those of you who who are struggling that you are not alone. Just because things are not yet working out for you yet, please don't be discouraged. I always say meeting someone for a meaningful relationship is a 'quest' often involving considerable effort and possibly obstacles, not a 'quick fix' .

"..just received my first newsletter...and feel you are already more of a friend than just an 'internet site'. I have read the members' stories and it really does give you more hope of meeting someone, there are quite a few Mr. Rights out there I'm sure..."

From a gentleman who has got back with his ex. "I would like to thank you for your service, which has been both prompt and very professional. If things do not work out, I shall definitely be back!"

"...we got on so well on the phone..we decided to meet for a coffee...we talked for hours and have been together ever since, alternating weekends between (our two homes).. we both wish to thank you because if it wasn't for Grapevine we would never have met...he has decided to look for a job and move down here.." These two members prove that distance can be no problem for the right person.

A recently joined gentleman says, "I am in telephone contact with two of your introductions so far and I'm very encouraged by the system Grapevine operates."

A gentleman who does not like Christmas: "I will get back to you after Christmas (a time made all the more wretched for single people by prospective dates telling us they're busy with family commitments)."  Yes, many of the ladies are very busy - see Christmas offer '1' above.

Now here is a new lady who joined as a free member and who was not prepared to put in any effort even though it had cost her nothing (maybe because it had cost her nothing). "I have had an email from a rather large man who admitted he needed to lose lots of weight....please can u remove me from your lists..." All she needed to do was to politely decline and wait for the next contact! And was she that perfect? Oh well, it takes all sorts....

What about this....because I exchange so many chatty emails with dog-owning members about dogs - a mutual interest - in the last newsletter I gave a link to a personal page with photos of my dogs for anyone who might be interested. One new lady who had just received this newsletter read no further than the beginning and asked to be removed immediately because I had 'pictures of dogs on my site'! I asked her what she was suggesting, but received no reply!!!!!

Now back to the real world: "...I have some good news...well, I have met a very lovely young woman called S whose details you sent me some time ago.....When we are together it just seems as if we have known each other for so much longer than we have...I'm so happy I can't explain but I will always be thankful to you and Singles Grapevine."

"...Good luck, you offer a fantastic service and I am sure many more people will find the person of their dreams through your expert guidance."

Here is a problem many people encounter when meeting people who use internet dating sites - a sign of the times unfortunately. "I was recently in touch with a girl (I think this was why he then joined Grapevine)...and I suspect she was a member of other dating agencies too. We hit it off so well and things were going really well until someone else on the site 'touched base' with her. The novelty had obviously worn off with me and she eventually made her excuses and moved on to this other mug...the one thing I have noticed is that you do put the effort in giving your service the personal touch.."

"I am very pleased to tell you that I have met a very nice man through the Grapevine...."

"Thanks Katherine for your Newsletter. Much more than that, thanks too for allowing me to make contact with a lovely lady. I'm still reeling from how it happened. I emailed you, she emailed me, we met and our relationship has been growing since the end of July. Nobody could expect a more efficient service."

Here is a very sad one, and I fear this young man is not alone in feeling like this. He is in the very young age group where the girls have plenty of choice and opportunities, and sadly they are not so reliable at replying to emails they receive. "Glad to see SG works for some people. ..but I think I'll call it a day. I hate that feeling of anticipation when I check my mail ...then I hate myself for hoping there is a message....I shall have to choose a nice shelf to spend the rest of my life on." No no no - the situation reverses if he waits long enough!!

This is a success story from a lady at the upper end of the age spectrum where unlike with the previous young gentleman it's the men who have the most choice and opportunities: "...the advantage of finding the right man through Grapevine has been that I could really get to know him before even meeting...the instant attraction probably wouldn't have been there because....we had a magic meeting and that was all 16 months ago. I have never been more sure of anything...for me life is refreshed and renewed and where it ought to be for everybody."

and another

"..it is now almost a year since I met this wonderful man through Grapevine, we are very happy. Once again thank you so much when I thought I was too old late 50s"

and

"Hi Katherine, seasons greetings! I and C would like to thank you for bringing us together last year - we have now been together for 18 months! We have weathered stormy times but who doesn't. Anyway, thought we'd mail you to let you know that people can be brought together and fall in love again even in middle age - there's hope for everyone."

"Hi Katherine! ..I had started my new job one week and the following week I had a phone call from one of your female members on a Sunday afternoon. We chatted on the phone and arranged to meet that night...we both had a great time and got on really well...now I have been with S for 4 months...just like to end by saying a massive THANK YOU!"

"Hi Katherine...No steady relationship yet! However, a fair few dates, still meeting the odd frog but mostly okay men without that vital substance called chemistry..."

It can be very hard work in the meantime for some (and for me also). It is so much a matter of luck, and this very attractive lady with a lovely photo seems to have had more than her share of bad luck: "...it is difficult to take rejection from anyone, when it is from strangers who decide not to even give me a chance, when they have read my profile and seen my photo, that it makes me feel that I really don't want to be judged as something not worth bothering about!"  That email made me really sad. The next lady had better luck though has not yet met 'Mr.Right':

"..I have met a fantastic guy who contacted me through your agency a couple of months ago. We have been seeing each other regularly for a few weeks now and things are going great, so fingers crossed!"

"....it has been an experience as all the chaps I've met via Grapevine have been very pleasant and it's made for a number of enjoyable evenings as well as found me an extremely good friend."

And to end with and email from a new member: ...I like your style! You are the most approachable agency I have tried, and I really appreciate your help and advice."

Every month I will get several emails which demonstrate the dreadful lack of manners and basic human kindness some people have!  Here is an example some of you may identify with.

"...I met him twice, but after seeming to enjoy my company he started talking about all the dates he had met and how they all developed into physical relationships very quickly and had lasted only a few months." The lady made it clear she wasn't interested in one-night stands, but then "he suddenly announced that I was obviously 'up tight' with 'too many issues' and he didn't want to see me again! At the time it didn't do my confidence much good and I nearly cancelled my membership, but now I think it is rather amusing. I remember him saying that he had complained about the 'quality' of the dates you sent him.." (probably they too many wouldn't jump straight into bed with him).  I tracked down the gentleman in question by process of elimination and suspect he is one of those who treat finding a woman just like phoning the local Chinese takeaway for prawn crackers, and to expect the same instant gratification!  He is in an age group where eligible men are in the proverbial sweetie shop (or prawn cracker store). So, if you too identify with this story, be thankful for a lucky escape from a 'serial dater'! There really are some gentlemen out there wanting something appropriate and lovely as you have seen from some of the previous emails, but you may have to be very very patient.************************************************************************************

Still more about this. Some non-replies are justified. This from a lady I gave a gentle reminder to: "I was very surprised when I received your email, yes I did receive and email form S, but it was very brief and basically gave the impression that if I wasn't interested then no problem, but to contact him if I was, which is why I didn't reply..."

So, make your emails interesting, friendly and readable, not too long as that would require too much time to answer at the initial stage, not containing lazy text-jargon like i c u go 2 the gym lol which, while great for a text message, I feel is impolite in this sort of email. And, make it quite clear what it's about in the subject line, and ASK FOR A REPLY. Then be patient. Many people check their emails just a couple of times a week - unbelievable I know to those of us who check several times a day!

As many of you will know, I am constantly encouraging people to include their photo on behalf of the many members who wish to the see a photo at the outset (many of whom don't supply their own photo!!), but here is a different angle:

"S and I have managed to meet 11 times in the 18 days since our first date...we have been out walking along the seafront this week and even though there was a bit of rain we hardly noticed it. I thought I might comment about photos or lack of them. I had considered myself to be very looks driven, but though S did not provide a photo I went initially purely on her description...I don't know how I would have reacted if I had not fancied her - but to me seeing her for the first time I probably reacted very positively and it made our first meeting really good. I was very pleased she was very attractive, because I had the impression that it was because the people that don't put photos on are probably unattractive - how wrong I was!"

On the dating scene as it was 10 years ago it would be very very unlikely that either party would have seen the other's photo before the first date because people just didn't have the technology to email one, and it worked for a lot of people. A meeting was just that - a meeting, and it was understood that you may not like the look of each other - and we all know photos can be misleading anyway! People were prepared to make more effort and to take the risk. I know - I did it!!

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The papers have been full of the plight of thirty-somethings unable to find Mr. or Ms. Right. One headline says 'Single and in your thirties? Chances are you're a chap'. To quote: 'Such is the growth of the so-called Ben Jones phenomenon that last year more than 1.65 million men aged 30-39, out of a total population for the age range of 3.9 million, were classed as single. That represented an increase of more than 50,000 on the previous year. Meanwhile, the number of single thirtysomething women last year was 1.27 million out of just over four million in the same age category. It means there are 380,000 more single men in their thirties than there are single women....' and from another article '...the trouble is, women have less to gain from marriage than they used to. Most women today are financially independent, so they don't need a man to support them, and they value their freedom so much they are less prepared to compromise in a relationship..'

On a related note, Lowri Turner in a recent article 'Dating Disasters'  herself experimented with many different methods from Internet dating through to speed dating (not Grapevine unforunately) and it's an excellent read for any lady in her thirties who is getting disheartened with the whole thing. If you are interested let me know and I shall email you a copy of her excellent, amusing and therapeutic article!

7. The WINE BAR……..the place where you, the members can meet!
This is YOUR place in the newsletter where you could potentially get what you want to say to several thousand people. It's never too late to add your piece as the newsletter is constantly updated and going out to new members.

You may, for instance, like to start a dinner group in your area - or just organise a one-off meal. Here is the place to promote it. You could test the water to see what response you get before committing yourself. Alternatively, you may have a something to sell or a service to offer. Maybe you want to find a Bridge partner or someone to go ballroom dancing or play badminton with.

Are you looking forward to meeting someone special, are a little out of practise? Why not come along to a weekend workshop just designed for you. It’s in London in February at the weekend of 18-20. Come and party, have fun and learn how to gain confidence at this exciting event. This will help you to meet people on Singles Grapevine more effectively.Visit www.love-actually.uk.com details or call 020 8670 4344

Two's Company - the aim of this group is for members to extend their circle of unattached friends. We meet every other Wednesday in Villiers Hotel, Buckingham and have a social open house at The Old Thatch in Adstcok on alternative Friday evenings. For further information please e mail Judith at xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I have recently moved up to the Peak District and am looking to ‘get going’ again socially.  Previously down south, amongst other pursuits, I ran a walking group specifically aimed at single people and would like to do so again in this beautiful part of the country, if there is sufficient support.  I live in the Buxton area and would like anyone who is interested to contact me, with a view to setting up a preliminary meeting to discuss getting it up and running (or should I say walking)!  I can be contacted on xxxxxxxx

A gentleman called Chris (a non-member) and I have organised a mutually beneficial partnership. Straight forward singles socialising with no gimmicks in a relaxed funky environment. It certainly looks great! Good food, good music, good people. The next Just Mingling party is on Sunday January 16th at Cantaloupe in Hoxton. For ticket bookings and events calendar visit 

Please keep in touch. I always respond to all your emails as quickly and as fully as I can. Don't forget to take a look at your own place in this newsletter - the Wine Bar - and get together with lots and lots of other single people.

from Katherine

PS If you'd like to rejoin or upgrade and have dates of your own, please go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/upgrade.htm

ABOUT FISHES AND PONDS

And finally.....fishing!

Looking for a partner can need a lot of patience, and like fishes, a lot of them seem to be slippery or don't want to be caught at all by you. Very frustrating! These fish also have a say in who reels them in! Some just don't bite, some fall off just as you are about to land them. I think the analogy is quite good. The more rare the type of fish you're looking for, the fewer there will be. In some lakes there are just too few fish and too many fishermen/women. Some people prefer to trawl with a wide net, catch as many as possible and discard those they don't want (ie. contact all the people they can), where others go for just one very particular sort and size of fish. Some use their bait more expertly...You may need a larger lake…I could go on and on…(some of you probably say that I do go on and on!)

Newsletter for members (past and present) This newsletter is sent to all members past and present who have given Grapevine their e-mail address. If you are an old member and don't wish to receive the newsletter any more, please reply with 'unsubscribe' along with your name and postcode in the subject line

Hello again to members past and present!

The leaves falling - lots of clearing up to do. My dogs no longer want to bask on the sunny bank out the back and are under my feet in the house (if you too are a doggy person you can see them here: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxI have created a patio garden and that brings worries of what to do about frost, and how do I protect my beloved tree ferns! I no longer have children at home to worry about, so now I've given myself dogs and plants!

These past couple of months I have exchanged loads of emails with members. Many more successes - but with others that 'special' person still seems so elusive. Modern technology has so devalued dating - too many sites, too many people messing about, too many people who in the past would have treasured a relationship now enter the fray again as soon as the passion wears off rather than working to turn things into something permanent.

With Grapevine I do all I possibly can to reverse this trend by putting quality before quantity. I reject all applicants for instance who have shown they are not suitable for us by having not bothered to describe themselves adequately, who use 'bad language', whose postal address isn't recognised or who are totally unrealistic in what they are looking for - even where they have paid for membership. Dating sites are concerned just with numbers. Grapevine 'screens' all applicants, free and paying, and also I'm continually checking up that people still are available. I like to believe our members will still remember what the words 'manners', courtesy', 'kindness' and 'gallantry' mean;)

Off my hobby horse now! I hope you enjoy the October/November offering and I promise not to mention Christmas - whoops I just have.

From Katherine

PS. Grapevine is not a 'dating site' as such. I know this can be confusing to Internet daters! Grapevine, as you can see from our newsletters, is more of a personal service. If anybody wants reminding how we work just go to the site (link at end) and click FAQ.

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CONTENTS
1.An interesting article

2.Emails & Emailing

3.'Brutally' Frank

4.Checking those emails

5.Photos (again)

5.The WINE BAR - Social area - your contributions

Features from previous newsletters can be seen online at www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/newsletter.htm

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1.An interesting article.

I read an interesting article in September with excerpts from 'Diary of a Dating Virgin' written by Lowri Turner (aged in her thirties) who is back on the 'dating scene' after her divorce.

"The last time I was on the dating scene, there was no internet and texting hadn't been invented......New technology has had another effect: it has delivered choice - and perhaps too much. Put the word 'dating' into a search engine and you get hundreds of options.....In just a decade (about the same length of time Grapevine has been going in its various forms), the whole culture and landscape of dating has altered...it's like going back to a quaint holiday spot I visited as a child and finding they've built a shiny glass tower block on it. The temptation is to shake my head and keep walking, but I know I can't."

In my mind the whole thing is becoming more and more tacky. Just look at some of those free sites! I am told that the same people tout themselves around many different sites, even with several entries on the same site. But what's the alternative? It's almost tempting to imagine a police state taking control - where all the single people had to join one agency - private agencies would be outlawed.A sort of National Dating Service.Think of the numbers and the choice!! All applicants would have to be interviewed (they would be treated in the same way as applicants for benefits, job-seekers, council housing etc.). There would be different 'departments' for those wanting 'just friendship', 'marriage' 'meaningful relationship', 'just fun', 'babies' etc.etc. (rather than the actual current situation of singles being spread so thinly, with duplications and multiple joinings). There could be strict controls on behaviour, honesty etc. and the tax-payer would foot the bill. 'State matching by Big Brother'.......??? I'm just joking - honest!

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2. This month's EMAILS from Members (and matters arising).

(Please don't be afraid to email me for fear of my publishing your emails. I omit or slightly change identifying details without altering the actual message so that the 'other party' won't recognise him/herself!)

Firstly some happy emails - to encourage those of you still seeking. Just because things are not yet working out for you yet, please don't be discouraged. I always say meeting someone really special is a 'quest' and not a 'quick fix'. If it's worth having it's worth working at!

"Hiya Katherine, Just thought I'd let you know how delighted I am!!! Through Grapevine I have met my soulmate...we are moving in together at the beginning of next month and we couldn't be happier!" This lady has been with us since March and her persistence has paid off.

"I have recently met somebody (from elsewhere). Thanks for the great service I will certainly be back if things do not work out." Many people also belong to Internet dating sites, but I have lost count of the number who say how helpful Grapevine has been to them even though they may have ultimately met someone somewhere else.

And here is one I have received just as I was finishing writing this newsletter and thought I just must include it: "Having used Dating Direct and Friends Reunited Dating, and ....there was another, I was very sceptical about meeting anyone, and the thought anyone local might be suitable was just out of the question. But through Singles Grapevine you might have just done the trick...I made contact with 'X' a few weeks ago...I have dated lots of girls in the last 3 years and I think when you meet someone special you really know immediately. I think 'X' is special. So what I would like to say, even though it is early days, is thank you."

"Thanks for your email...I am still going out with Y who you introduced me to.....so thanks for changing my life I just hope it continues!!" This lady had been with us for five months before she first met this gentleman.

"This is a kinda joint email from me and Z, who introduced himself to me 7 weeks ago through Grapevine. You'll be delighted to know we are still going strong and haven't left each other's side for the majority of those 7 weeks....so we really wanted to say thanks...." Both these members had been with us for only a couple of months or so.

"...Thankyou for your service, I found it to be very friendly and personal and would certainly recommend it to others."

"I have just recently met someone through the Grapevine and would like to take this opportunity to thank you for all your help and assistance." This gentleman was at the younger end of things but still found someone within a couple of months.

Sometimes bad can turn to good if you manage not to get discouraged by setbacks: "Hope you remember me, the one with (a problem contact) a few months ago. Well, my faith is slowly being restored! Where have all these men come from? I have had quite a few contact me in the past month and they all appeared nice. Some I clicked with, some not, others let me know they had clicked with someone else! ...thank you for not letting me withdraw from Grapevine and sending me some very nice chaps..."

"I am blissfully happy now living with David in a house we have recently bought together. Just to remind you we met through SG Jan 03. We emailed one another for about a month and then met in a local pub. We never looked back thereafter. Thank you so much for putting us in touch with each other." This lady, in her late 50s, proves that at an age where finding a suitable chap can be a bit more difficult for the ladies Grapevine can bring success.

"....I do like the personal touch you offer your members, as you know most dating on the net is very commercialised."

"Katherine, I would just like to thank you for the 'personal' touch...not many internet services have that kind of appeal (have any??) .....in this ever increasing world of faceless service it still feels good to be dealt with by someone who takes the time to actually read what you write, not just an automated response." Yes, I always make sure I give the best personal attention I can to every email sent to me.

"...I was very impressed with the Grapevine system and the efficient way you run it." But one or two of you will know even I can sometimes make mistakes:(

"I'm pleased to say that I have met a lovely lady who I have been seeing for a couple of months now. Things are going well and so think I should withdraw from Singles Grapevine at the present."

The two main negative threads running through emails continue to be - why doesn't everyone have a photo, and why don't some people have the courtesy to reply.

Many of the non-repliers I follow up haven't received (or maybe deleted in error) the original email. If the subject line doesn't identify what the email is about it won't be opened, it's as simple as that. Very often the recipient is away and comes back to a mountain of emails which are then prioritised. If yours is very long and needs a lot of thought spent on it then it could be put to the back of the queue (realistically meaning never), or if it isn't appealing it may be postponed (meaning never). So, some of the responsibility is with the writer of the email, I fear.

Here is the sort of email I dread:

"...after a couple of conversations I had arranged to meet J. Unfortunately he did not turn up and is not answering his mobile.....I wondered if you could just point out to J (I'm tempted to name and shame him!!) that it takes quite a bit of nerve to arrange a date and it's horrible to be left standing in a public place for someone who doesn't have the courtesy to show up..."

This is an extreme example of lack of replies or success from a young man:

"...I have contacted several members and received only two replies and not a single date. When I have dealt with you I have been most impressed with your swift and understanding service .....but I am somewhat disappointed." Here is someone who has received the dates but not actually used the service. This service provides follow-up. I need to know promptly individual problems so that I can contact people and find out what's happening, whether they actually read the email and whether they have met someone so I can replace them. I also can help with the email wording if that may be contributing to the problem.

Let's finish on a better note.

"...We have been dating for a few weeks now and it's going very well - so thanks very much and well done on the choice of men you sent me! I am of course recommending you to my single friends and perhaps they will actually give something like this a try when they see that there are decent men doing this kind of dating"

In general members who have met someone are very very satisfied, and members who still have not yet met someone are fairly dissatisfied......until they too (and it sometimes can take a long while) become very very satisfied!

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3. 'BRUTALLY' FRANK

I am introducing Frank, a friend, to help me with some of the Grapevine email support to give things a different dimension. He likes to think he's a bit of a Simon Cowell so I have nicknamed him 'Brutally' Frank! If any member wants to have an objective opinion from an 'agony' uncle who won't pull any punches (and who is prepared to hear things he or she may prefer not to hear) please address it to Frank. He can say things I would never dream of saying to members myself - so be prepared!! It's at your own risk.

You may like discuss with him why you are getting few contacts, why people don't reply to you, is your photo OK, how does your profile read....

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4. CHECKING THOSE EMAILS

The problem never ends. People send emails that never seem to arrive, or they get junked automatically, or the recipient doesn't recognise who it's from and deletes it unopened, or Hotmail takes it upon itself to treat your email as spam. The problem with junked emails is that they don't bounce back, so we understandably assume they have been received and opened. Other emails get filed for to be dealt with 'later' - and later never comes.

Here is a nice (late) email to a gentleman from a lady which illustrates the last point:

"..yes I did get your email and am very sorry that I have been so cr*p at responding. No excuse I'm afraid other than I was going through a really busy period at work, it got filed for a reply when I had more time and then...a number of weeks have passed and so on...SO very sorry again for my lack of...."

This lady could get no email reply so I suggested she texted the gentleman with 'I have sent you a couple of emails - please check'. This is what she then told me: "Just to let you know that texting M worked. Strange to sign up to an agency that works via email and then not check your emails for 2 weeks, but perhaps there's an explanation....!"

The moral is to make your emails interesting, friendly and readable, not too long as that would require too much time to answer at the initial stage, not containing lazy text-jargon like i c u go 2 the gym lol which, while great for a text message, I feel is impolite in this sort of email. And, make it quite clear what it's about in the subject line. Then be patient. Many people check their emails just a couple of times a week - unbelievable I know to those of us who check several times a day!

4. PHOTOS (again)

A large number of members tell me they haven't a suitable recent photo. If finding a partner is important it can't be that hard to arrange it. Another thing they say is that they lack the technology or equipment to email one or to scan one and email it. Again, if finding someone is important they can post it to me and I will scan it in.

Another thing that surprises me is the quality of some of the photos. It only needs to be a snapshot, but surely, if you really really want to meet someone, it is sensible to think of how you are presented. Unkempt hair, scruffy looking, miserable, looking the other way, dark glasses, or distorted because taken by yourself with mobile phone or digital camera etc. is even worse than no photo at all. It says something about a person's attitude if they can't go to the trouble to present themselves favourably and then expect people to contact them. I feel it is verging on the arrogant.

Here is an email from a lady:

"..I find that not having photos of the men difficult. And when they do send through a photo, I find it difficult to explain why I would not want to meet them....as a point of interest how would you email someone when you had seen their photo to tell them you would not want to take it any further?" The answer to this has to be 'if your photo had been in there I would not have wasted your time.'

5. The WINE BAR……..the place where you, the members can meet!
This is YOUR place in the newsletter where you could potentially get what you want to say to several thousand people.

You may, for instance, like to start a dinner group in your area - or just organise a one-off meal. Here is the place to promote it. You could test the water to see what response you get before committing yourself. Alternatively, you may have a something to sell or a service to offer. Maybe you want to find a Bridge partner or someone to go ballroom dancing or play badminton with.

******Workshop - How to make a fresh start

Are you looking forward to meeting someone special, are a little out of practise? Why not come along to a weekend workshop just designed for you. It’s in London in February at the weekend of 18-20. Come and party, have fun and learn how to gain confidence at this exciting event. This will help you to meet people on Singles Grapevine more effectively.

Visit www.love-actually.uk.com for details or call xxxxxxxxx

******Social Group in Buckinghamshire

Two's Company - the aim of this group is for members to extend their circle of unattached friends. We meet every other Wednesday in Villiers Hotel, Buckingham and have a social open house at The Old Thatch in Adstcok on alternative Friday evenings. For further information please e mail Judith at xxxxxxxxxxx

******Peak District Walking Group for singles

I have recently moved up to the Peak District and am looking to ‘get going’ again socially. Previously down south, amongst other pursuits, I ran a walking group specifically aimed at single people and would like to do so again in this beautiful part of the country, if there is sufficient support. I live in the Buxton area and would like anyone who is interested to contact me, with a view to setting up a preliminary meeting to discuss getting it up and running (or should I say walking)! I can be contacted on xxxxxxxxxxxxx

******'Just Mingling' parties for London and surrounding areas

A gentleman called Chris (a non-member) and I have organised a mutually beneficial partnership. Straight forward singles socialising with no gimmicks in a relaxed funky environment. It certainly looks great! Good food, good music, good people.

For ticket bookings and events calendar visit 

******A date in sunny Cyprus?

One of our ex-members is now living in sunny Cyprus, enjoying the sunshine, sea and salsa. She is divorced, age 47, tall, slim and blonde with blue eyes. She still works and enjoys her job a great deal and spends her free time on the water, dancing, at the gym, reading or partaking in the local culture. She is looking for an intelligent man who has taken care of himself and knows how to take care of a women.

If this sounds like you - please let me (Katherine) know and I will give the lady your email address.

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6. COME BACK FREE?
Please keep in touch. I always respond to all your emails as quickly and as fully as I can. Don't forget to take a look at your own place in this newsletter - the Wine Bar - and get together with lots and lots of other single people.

from Katherine

PS If you'd like to rejoin or upgrade and have dates of your own, please go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/upgrade.htm