NEWSLETTER 2003/December

Yes, it's that time of year again.  

Merry Christmas to you all !

At Christmas time people without a partner seem to fall into two categories - those who hate the festive season and are lonesome over Christmas (everyone else seems to be one half of a couple and life is no longer filled with work and workmates), and those who have so much family stuff to do that they are much too busy to think about dating.

My dog, Merlin, is six years old on Christmas day (his registered name is Christmas Cracker!).  Sadly, he is on borrowed time as any of you who have been reading the newsletter for the past few months may know, and I don't know whether he will make it to his birthday.

On a happier note, our new staircase is in at last and no longer have we a great hole in the hall ceiling.

I hope you find this Newsletter helpful. Have you a 'Wine Bar' contribution for the New Year newsletter?

From Katherine

(If there is anything you wish to see again in past newsletters, you can see them online at www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/newsletter.htm )

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CONTENTS

1. December offer
2. Emails/letters to Grapevine
3. This and That
4. Earn yourself dates
5. The WINE BAR - Social area for members!

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1. DECEMBER OFFER (also see number 4)

Any member at any PAYING membership level will get 2 EXTRA MONTHS if they rejoin before the New Year. Just reply to this email with 'December 2 extra months Offer' and your name, then go to   

This will mean that your dates could be spread over a longer period, or that you could request for some to be delayed to avoid your being away or very busy.

If you don't want to pay for dates of your own, then you can come back at the FREE membership level and will get 2 months instead of one so that your details may be seen by paying members. For 2 FREE months offer please just reply to this newsletter with '2 free months Offer' and your name and postcode in the subject line.

(The November special offer is now finished)

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2. EMAILS & LETTERS from Members

Appreciation for my efforts really helps me to enjoy my work!
"Thankyou so much for your mail and the letter I have received in the post today. I am so impressed with your prompt service especially as we have had the weekend in between..."

..."There really is only one worthwhile agency in the UK...and such nice people too." I suspect that not everyone would agree they all are nice:(

Not all emails to me are kind words though!
"Since joining Grapevine some 8 weeks ago I have only received one list...I thought I was to receive one list each month..great membership!"  (Ouch!   This gentleman signed up for Standard membership and, although he had already received 22 dates, he was expecting to continue as a Premium member: Premium members pay me more because I do much more work for them.)

Here is a Standard member's very different take on the same thing:
"I only got my list a couple of weeks ago - so many men to choose from - and having decided that I was going to have as much fun as possible I made contact with about half of them and I have already met three, and am meeting one gentleman for a second time on Friday. We are going to see Love Actually! Perhaps that's a sign!!! This is really getting me out and about and I will just take it as it comes and I intend to enjoy myself. Why didn't I try this before!"

Things weren't going too well for this lady at first, but now....
"I am pleased to inform you that I have been able to find lots of happiness...I remember telling you that I met 'x'...at the time I thought we wouldn't get along...but I have come to love him. This week he took me to meet his mum and I am so happy...he seems to be everything I have been looking for in a relationship and I am looking forward to a happy future ahead of us....I am so pleased to have subscribed to Grapevine. So many times things can start badly for a member and it affects their confidence. They may have a run of bad luck. Then they meet that 'someone' and it all changes! 

Here is another email from a new lady which involves many of the points I help members with on a daily basis:
"I'm not having much luck!! First I leave 2 messages on mobile answer machine (2nd message I leave my phone details) and have had no reply...Second I speak over the phone to my second choice from list and arrange a date...but receive a message that he has got back with his ex-girlfriend. What's wrong with me??? Have my details gone out and will I receive any more details through the post?" 

This is a useful email because I can use it to deal with each point one at a time:
1. Always use email initially if possible, only telephone if either your email is not answered within a few days or if they have no email, then don't leave telephone messages. Persist until you get an answer. This gentleman had actually started seeing someone (and if this never happened Grapevine wouldn't be working, would it).
2. The second gentleman had gone back to his ex. This is also something which happens sometimes. I shall make sure this lady gets replacements.
3. If someone has a set-back early on it can really sap the confidence.
4. She has only been a member for about 10 days, so as for her own details going out it's very early days.
5.It is unlikely any of the people on her list will have received her details because most have already had their dates. The people who could get her details are subsequent new people as they join, and existing Premium members who are updated with the details of new members.
6. It would be impossible to make sure every member on a list had her details - about 300 names go out on lists a day so you can imagine the work involved in sending details to all those people! I would need to employ someone specially for the job. People introduce themselves on the assumption that the other person has not received their details (though they occasionally will have done by chance).
7. This lady is a Standard member, so as in the previous case she has the one initial long list. However, because of her bad luck I shall be doing something about it.
8. I keep banging on about this - but you just can't tell much from a profile - you need to meet. What about the chemistry? I say meet as many as possible, even if for a short drink or coffee. At the very least it's good practice and you get to take it all less personally.

I can offer the best service I can, but I can't account for all folk - their manners or their preferences:(

This from a young lady aged 22:
Once again, thanks for all your help - you've been great, and may I compliment you on running a very personal and friendly agency........instead of running a random computer-operated agency!"

I will finish with three more nice ones!
" ...you are an excellent dating service and I would always recommend you to anyone..."

The following lady has just cancelled her membership having met someone through a friend. " Thanks so much for all the chaps' details you have sent me. I have contacted a good few and dated some as well, and it has been a good confidence rebuilder....Good luck with the business. You are doing a great job, and I particularly like your personal touch."

And finally from another new member: "I have been highly recommended by a friend, who said that your agency was the best they had used."

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3. THIS AND THAT

1.Estate agents and dating agents!
I was chatting to a new member who is an estate agent the other day about the many parallels between our two businesses. We both have to have an enormous advertising budget because all the time we need new properties/members to replace those we lose. Our businesses are unusual in that both involve working hard in order to say 'goodbye' to our clients/members/properties!

Grapevine has a further disadvantage. A house buyer can choose any house they can afford and the house has no say in who buys it!  But, if a Grapevine member would very much like to meet a certain other member, the other member also has a say in the matter;)

My estate agent also said clients sometimes complain at being also sent details of houses of a different size, type or in a different location to what they had asked for. She said she sends out a wider selection because people so often 'just fall in love' with a house and in so many cases it is something very different to what they thought they were looking for!

This is exactly the case with Grapevine - and is why I send out broad-based selections of a good number of members, rather than just a very few that match requirements exactly.

2. Super Confidence
There was a good article by Paul Mckenna in the Daily Mail last month - perhaps you read it?  It was a lot about social skills and confidence. There was so much good stuff in it, especially for people who may be shy, but I liked how it ended:
"Finally don't give up. As Thomas Watson, the founder of IBM said, 'If you want to increase your success rate, you have to increase your failure rate.'" (I think for us it could end 'you have to risk increasing your failure rate!)

3. Check lists of wants
People sometimes ask me, having filled all their own details on the joining form, where is the check box list for their requirements? A bit like ordering a new kitchen.

Having run an Introduction agency in the past, where all members were interviewed and each member was asked about 10 things they wanted in another person, I soon realised that if I observed all the preferences of both parties there would be nobody left at all! In real life people are such a mixture - and what about the chemistry?

For this reason, instead of giving just very few dates that promise to observe everything (if there are any), I feel it is more honest to send out many more people - a much larger selection - with no such promises. Once the list is narrowed down by age group and maybe a few other basics like area, age, smoking/non-smoking and type of occupation then there should still be people worth contacting. How many people do you know who are happily together where, for instance, the gentleman is a little shorter than the lady and she would probably have ticked the 'tall' box?  It was probably 'eyes across the room' and the height difference was irrelevant. The same can go for age, smoking and all sorts of things.

I would be willing to bet if there was a large number of single people of the opposite sex at ta social gathering of some sort and you fell for one of them, that this one would not have all the ticks in your chosen boxes!

Telephone Scam - an email I received the other day and may be useful to pass on:
We have been advised of a telephone scam currently in operation (this applies to home and/or work telephones - landlines and mobiles):

Upon answering the telephone, you will hear a recorded message congratulating you on winning an all expenses trip to an exotic location. You will then be asked to press 9 to hear further details.

If you press 9 you will be connected to a premium rate line that costs approximately £20 per minute. Even if you disconnect immediately, it will remain connected for a minimum of 5 minutes, costing around £100.

The final part of the call involves you being asked to key in your postcode and house number (which has other serious consequences). After a further 2 minutes, you will receive a message informing you that you are not one of the lucky winners. The total bill will be around £260.

Since the calls are originating from outside the UK, BT and other telephone companies are left relatively powerless to act.

The only safe solution is to HANG UP before the message prompts you to press 9; even safer is to HANG UP on any unsolicited `free offer' call.This appear to be a variation on a theme; warnings have been sent previously regarding calls made by individuals claiming to be AT&T engineers conducting a test on the line and asking for 9,0 # and text messages similar to the routine described above.

DO NOT DIAL 9 (OR 9,0# OR 0,9#) FOR ANYONE!

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4.  EARN YOURSELF 5 DATES
1) Forward single friends this newsletter along with a note pointing them in the direction of our website www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk
and
2) Email me with your name and membership number (postcode if you can't find it), along with your friend's name to let me know that you have done this. I don't want their email address as I never send unsolicited emails, and they may decide not to join anyway.

If they join, whether as a free member or a paying member, I shall give you, free, 4 DATES - the best 4 I can find for you - along with two months membership. If your membership is still running I shall extend your membership with 4 more dates.

(NB.The name of an existing member, even if their membership has now run out, does not count. It's possible you won't even know they have been a member. It's essential that I know BEFORE or at the SAME TIME as they sign up that it is you who recommended them - but please don't tell me about someone you have recommended in the past!).

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5. The WINE BAR……..the place where you, the members can meet!
This is YOUR place in the newsletter where you could potentially get what you want to say to several thousand mostly single people.

You may, for instance, like to start a dinner group in your area. Here is the place to promote it. Or, you may have a something to sell, or a service to offer. Maybe you want to find a Bridge partner or someone to go ballroom dancing with.

******DANCING PARTNER WANTED
David - in his mid forties and from the Ilford/Romford area says, "I do ballroom and Latin dancing plus a little Salsa and would like a female partner to practice with and maybe attend local social dances. Age is of no concern." If you are interested, please contact David on 0208 5541562 or email him on davidkimmelman@hotmail.com

******ATTENTION ALL SHROPSHIRE LADS & LASSES
A new Supper Club is about to evolve in Shropshire. First venue likely to be in Ironbridge. Anyone interested in finding out more please email Jacquetta at JKTraining@btinternet.com


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Please keep in touch. I always respond to all your emails as quickly and as fully as I can. Don't forget to take a look at your own place in this newsletter - the Wine Bar - and get together with lots and lots of other single people.

from Katherine

PS If you'd like to rejoin or upgrade and have dates of your own, please go to

NEWSLETTER 2003/November

Hello everybody,

What a mess I am in now that our building work has at last started! Hopefully all the dust my PC is breathing in doesn't cause it problems - for dust is everywhere. There is a large hole in the ceiling where the new staircase is being built.

Meanwhile, Grapevine goes on. I can't believe how many past members took up the October offer. For those of you who missed it I now have a November offer.

I hope not too many of you have had your Grapevine lists, dates and forwarded letters too badly delayed because of this postal dispute. In every case that I can I have emailed stuff to you. If you are worried about not having received something, please don't hesitate to email me for an update on the position.

I am giving any member rejoining this month at either Standard or Premium level an extra month's membership to make up for interruptions over Christmas and New Year. Hopefully this will help some of you, especially if you don't work in a big office, to have a more social Christmas.

There are social/Christmas dinner activites in three separate areas in the Wine Bar Section. Paul's first function went so well he is now taking bookings for his Christmas do.

I hope you find this Newsletter helpful (any contributions for next month's gladly received). From Katherine

(If there is anything you wish to see again in past newsletters, you can see them online at www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/newsletter.htm )

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CONTENTS

1. November offer
2. Emails/letters to Grapevine
3. This and That
4. Getting a Reply
5. The WINE BAR - Social area for members!

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1. NOVEMBER OFFER

Again, in order to further boost the membership on the run down to Christmas, I am offering to give members two months now (October offer was three) for just £10 so your details can go out to other members, along with 5 dates of your own emailed to you.

People eligible for the November offer:
-Members who are not current members with outstanding dates owing. (If you think this might be you just email me and I can tell you)
-Members whose most recent dates were sent before 31st August (again, I can remind you:-)
-Members who did NOT take up the October offer.
-Members with PCs that are able to open attachments.
-Members able to pay online with a card.
-Members who joined before 1st November (if you are a new member please go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/upgrade for you other options)

The dates will be sent by email attachment only.

I have made this affordable to anybody who wants to meet people through Grapevine's supportive system whereby you are not 'on your own' as you are in internet dating. If you can't manage even £10 at the moment then sadly you couldn't really afford to go out on a date either :(

Please realise these dates are selected using Standard level criteria. If you require more carefully targetted dates or many more of them, then you would need to take up the normal Standard level - or even Premium membership if you want dates outside the standard age band, to eliminate smokers etc. etc. In October I had a couple of people who were unhappy because they had a couple of smokers/someone with children/not tall enough etc. amongst their 5 dates, but my selecting as per Premium is not part of the agreement for £10. You do, however, also get a 2 month period where new members can contact you.

The deal is, for your part, that you will let me know as soon as you are no longer available for dating - before you tell some poor person who contacts you:-)

To take up this offer, just go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/special.htm

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2. EMAILS & LETTERS from Members

"As I know I have said before your organisation stands head and shoulders above the rest... and I had some lovely times because of Grapevine".

"Katherine, Well I am impressed by the way you run Grapevine...It's very refreshing to see the attitude you have coming though via your newsletters, emails and feedback." He continues to say the following which I think is lovely and really helpful:
"I have found with rejection whether it's a job application or date, the more balls you have in the air the less of a let down you have when one is dropped - you always hope that, OK, you have been rejected, but perhaps the one(s) that are left, just maybe?"

However great the actual service is, the people are the same everywhere. Here is an illustration:
"I would like to thank you for all your help regarding everything you have done...although nobody bothered in carrying on with their responses....it has been a privilege to be a member with you and I will come back to you if I am back in the same situation as before".

I am quite surprised at the insensitivity of people sometimes. It's possible that they don't intend to be rude or hurtful and just don't realise the effect their thoughtlessness can have. Here are a couple of examples on the subject:
"I was relieve the meeting was in a very public place (as advised) as he turned out to be far too ambidextrous for me with lots of sexual innuendo....I did tell him he was putting me off...a phone call followed with more of the same so I won't be meeting him again."

This next was a letter. "I called 'B' from my list and he was abrupt - 'Have I got your details?' When I said I didn't know but I had his, he said 'Email them'. When I said I couldn't he said, 'Post me your details and I will let you know.' I felt awful".

The following emails illustrate how two people can have such different experiences of the same thing. These emails refer to the October offer and their 5 dates (chosen using the same Standard criteria in each case):
"Out of my five dates I contacted 4. I have met three and am meeting one of them again next week. I am well pleased."
BUT
"Thank you for the dates you sent me. Three were totally unsuitable and two didn't even have the decency to reply." Oh dear. (I sent him a couple more needless to say).

On happier notes, this from a new member:
"I have forwarded a copy of the newsletter to 'P'...and this before I have had any success with Grapevine. I am truly impressed with the service/approach to date...I am now confident in the integrity of your service (I have had problems in the past).."

Here is a cautionary tale about not checking emails:
"I was unaware that if you didn't access your free account at least once a month it closes itself. As I set it up to divert any mail to my usual address, I never accessed it, so after a month anyone that tried to contact me by email would not have got through." However, I have just checked my own free Yahoo account, not used for months, and all is OK. It's worth watching out for though.

And finally showing that persistence pays off,
Hi Katherine, it is 'J' here, you know the one who emailed you moaning about the dreadful men I've met..well out of the blue a Grapevine member......contacted me, and guess what - we are romantically involved, I don't know if it will last but we have had so much fun together. So I feel that I have to eat humble pie, so if you want to use my experience in your newsletter by all means do so."

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3. THIS AND THAT

1.Another dip into the Virgin Dating Guide has this quote which I rather like:
'PLAY TENNIS. Getting into a bit of chit-chat with someone is a little art form all of its own. It's all about conversational tennis and, depending on what kind of points you are aiming to score with the other person, you can miss the first stroke or have someone running around the court while you happily keep volleying information. Remind yourself that when you meet someone that you feel drawn to, you should think of them as being a potential new friend rather than a potential date/lover/wife/husband and so on. Conversation is the basis of all friendship, exchanging views and getting to know details about each other; it doesn't need to be high-brow, witty, intense or hard work. Start off talking about just about anything (avoid personal subjects) and see where it takes you'. This may be easier said than done, but it sounds good! Funnily enough I remember saying to someone I used to know long ago that talking to him was like playing tennis, but he always kept the balls! There was no 'volleying back - "and what about you?"

2. Location Location!
Members on the coast should bear in mind that we need double the mileage radius to have the same number to choose from as inland members. They need to be more generous with mileage - mermaids and mermen don't seem to be interested in Grapevine.

3. Your success is Grapevine's loss!
Most businesses do everything to keep their clients by giving them a good service, don't they. Financially they rely on repeat business. We at Grapevine do everything to lose customers by giving a good service! We are working against ourselves which is why it is a very difficult sort of business to make very profitable - we need a constant supply of new clients (members) to keep the thing working which means a disproportionate amount of our income must go on advertising and promotion. I sometmes feel I have to run hard just to stand still! Don't get me wrong, members do come back who have been unsuccessful or who's romance hasn't worked out, but that is not our aim! The idea is that they succeed in finding that special someone.

4. Photos
It's surprising how few people bother to send a photo. Provided it's reasonable it can really make all the difference how many people contact you. If someone has a list of 22 members and two have nice photos, I would be willing to bet those are the two who are chosen first.
All you need to do is to email one to me - saved as a .jpeg please. (See also Section 2 of this newsletter, no.1)

5. Free members not getting contacts
Quite often I get free members telling me they have had no contacts. Often their details will have gone out over 20 times and their profile reads really well. If you feel you are one of these people please consider the following:
-Have you made yourself easy to contact? Is your email address included. A phone number as well helps.
-If you have a mobile included, do you leave it switched on?
-Is your photo included?
-If you are a man with a beard or a lady who is overweight, the sad fact is that your details may well be overlooked in favour of other members by people who find things of this sort an issue.
(See also Section 2 no.2)

6. 'Free 3-Summer Months' Members
For those of you who took up our summer offer, it will now have ended. How about coming back for another 4 months (a 4th extra month is on offer during November) as a Free-Plus member for just £4.95? You can do this by going to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/upgrade.htm

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5. GETTING A REPLY
More on the ongoing problem of people not replying!
Sometimes it is because your email has been deleted by mistake, sometimes it is because it deserves a bit of time spent on the reply and the person just doesn't get around to it or forgets because they are busy. I personally delete anything I suspect to be spam without opening it. Anything which looks like random letters - eg.vxhtk08dzjc@anything - I delete instantly. I suggest if your email address looks like random letters or numbers that you change it!
   
When you email someone with a mobile number included, if you don't get a reply in two or three days, how about following it up with a polite text message saying, in effect, 'Have you checked your emails? I emailed you a couple of days ago.'
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5. The WINE BAR……..the place where you, the members can meet!
This is YOUR place in the newsletter where you could potentially get what you want to say to several thousand mostly single people.

It is not to advertise your own details. However, if you would like to start, for instance, a dinner group in your area and would like to promote it - here is the place. You may have a something to sell, or a service to offer.. Maybe you want to find a Bridge partner or someone to go ballroom dancing with. 

******PAUL'S GRAPEVINE CHRISTMAS DINNER on Wednesday 3rd December
(accessible to members in Beds/Cambs/Bucks/Herts/Northants)
Paul has managed to guarantee 30 places (15 boys/girls) at the Olney Wine Bar - 5 miles from J14 of the M1 and 5 miles west of Bedford. Depending upon availability extra places may be possible.

For those of you who have not been to this restaurant it has a fantastic reputation for wonderful food and live music - and a disco for those who want to 'bop'.

The price is £30 (+3% visa handling charge) to include a welcome drink, 3-course meal and all entertainment (sorry no turkey or Christmas pudding).

You can book your place by paying in advance at www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/members.htm Your card details will only be put through when there are slots available on a first come-first served basis, girls/boys, with card details being held onto to fill in late spaces.
Any queries please contact Paul on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx or email him xxxxxxxxxxxx (please don't contact Katherine).

******DINNER DISCO NEAR OXFORD on Friday 21st November
If anyone (over 30s) fancies a dinner/disco do for £30 a head in outskirts of Oxford please contact Judith - xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx or phone/leave message on xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

******ATTENTION ALL SHROPSHIRE LADS & LASSES
A new Supper Club is about to evolve in Shropshire. First venue likely to be in Ironbridge. Anyone interested in finding out more please email Jacquetta at xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

******WANTED - a job for my son in the Sheffield area!! (He would kill me if he knew I was doing this!) He has just left University with a degree in Fine Art. There are no jobs for him using his qualification so he is going for literally any job that is not too boring and that can keep his mind busy or has some social interaction. He could move away, but he wants to stay in Sheffield until his girlfriend finishes her course. He is strong, reliable, willing, honest and altogether great (I would say that!), but the sad thing is people don't want him for general work because he is over-qualified at something that is not useful to him just now. He is even resorting to pretending he has no degree:(

******UK LOTTO - a 1 in 13 chance
You have nothing to lose by clicking on this link and registering your free entry. I myself have won twice over the past few weeks - albeit small amounts - so I know it works.
http://www.virtualworlddirect.com/grapevine

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Please keep in touch. I always respond to all your emails as quickly and as fully as I can. Don't forget to take a look at your own place in this newsletter - the Wine Bar - and get together with lots and lots of other single people.

from Katherine

PS If you'd like to rejoin or upgrade and have dates of your own, please go to

back to top

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NEWSLETTER 2003/October

Newsletter for members (past and present) - plus October offer
This newsletter is sent to all members past and present who have given Grapevine their e-mail address. If you don't wish to receive the newsletter any more, please reply with 'unsubscribe' along with your name in the subject line.

Hello everybody,

This will be a shorter newsletter this time. I must get the first mass emailing out within a month of the previous one else AOL shuts me down for spamming and it is a real bore setting up my permissions to bulk email again - and I'm stuck with AOL for now.

What has slowed me down this month is that I flew off to San Francisco to visit my daughter for a weekend - a last minute decision - just at the time of the month when I usually prepare the newsletter. I think my body was so surprised at turning round and coming back after being there for only two days that it didn't register jet lag at all!

I have a special October offer for you to boost the membership on the run down to Christmas (yes - the shops are full of it already, aren't they.)

I hope you find the October Newsletter helpful (any contributions for next month's gladly received). 

From Katherine

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CONTENTS

1. October offer
2. Emails/letters to Grapevine
3. Virgin Dating Guide
5. Dating Data
6. Membership Statistics
7. The WINE BAR - Social area for members!
8. Free lottery entry

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1. OCTOBER OFFER

In order to boost the membership on the run down to Christmas, I am offering to give you three months for just £10 so your details can go out to other members, along with 5 dates of your own emailed to you - these dates will be using the Standard selection criteria.

I have made this affordable to anybody who is still unattached and who wants to meet people through Grapevine's supportive system whereby you are not 'on your own' like you are in internet dating. If you can't manage even £10 then unfortunately you couldn't really afford to go out on a date :(

The deal is, for your part, that you will let me know as soon as you are no longer avaiable for dating - before you tell some poor person who contacts you:-)

To take up this offer, just go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/special.htm and just drop me a quick email with your name and your membership number (or postcode if you have lost it) IMMEDIATELY. I will set up your membership again, emailing you a copy of how your details look.You can email me back any changes.

If you have forgotten how we work, or think things must have changed a lot, just go to the website and click the FAQ tab (link at the end of this newsletter).

(NB. These dates are selected using Standard level criteria. If you require more carefully targetted dates or more of them, then you would need to take up the normal Standard level or even Premium membership)

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2. EMAILS & LETTERS from Members

"...Thanks for being so prompt. I'm impressed and pleased...(my sister a client of yours) spoke highly of you."

"I have a couple of friends who are interested in Grapevine, (after hearing me raving on about it!)....I have given them both a copy of the newsletter and told them all about you."

If you do recommend a friend there can be something in it for yourself - see Section 2: 'Earn youself a free membership'.

Here is one of many emails I receive when the new member, who has not taken the trouble to read about how we work, and who after the welcome email I send out realises that they will receive something through the post! "I recently signed up with Grapevine.Please could you delete me from the system as it is important I receive nothing from you through the post". Sometimes I email back and ask them why, and of those who bother to reply nearly always it is because they are married or living with someone. This is a real problem with internet dating and why Grapevine sends all initial stuff by post.

"I am writing to let you know that I have met someone through your highly commendable organisation who is the most compatible man I have ever known...thank you on behalf of the many single people under your wing".

Sometimes I hear the good news for the first time quite a long time after the event! "Cathy and I met thru your agency in March 2001. We hit it off straight away and to cut a long story short, we got married last October. We contemplated contacting yourselves prior to the wedding to see if you were interested in doing a feature on us, but we did not want to tempt fate...ironic really as it was perhaps fate that brought us together!"

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4. THE VIRGIN DATING GUIDE
I did not know that we were in this excellent little book until new members started to quote it as where they found out about Grapevine.

Their research must have been done independently and certainly the plug they gave Grapevine was not a paid-for advert. We have had many new members through this in a couple of months which shows that, when people are able to compare us with all sorts of other dating services on offer, many like what they see about Grapevine

This is some of what the book says about Grapevine (and we have a star beside us):
"With its unique 'opt-in' membership, Singles Grapevine updates its members list every three months to ensure all members are actively looking for dates. In other words, you won't sign up and be matched with someone who's no longer available." (To be strictly correct they should have said 'minimise' people being matched with someone no longer available. Obviously we can't rule out disappointment altogether but as you know I always replace these people).

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5. DATING DATA - points to remember
I quote this from the Virgin Dating Guide and hope that some of you will find it helpful:

-- Use dating experiences positively and have a laugh about the ones that didn't go quite so well. Don't beat yourself up about disasters.
-- If you're not interested in someone, don't string them along
-- If you like someone but there wasn't any chemistry between the two of you, think of swapping numbers or keeping in touch anyway for future dates or possibilities for your single friends
-- If he/she doesn't call, he/she isn't interested. Period.
-- Keep taking things slowly. Just because you may be on date number two, three or four, it doesn't mean that a wedding is on the cards.
-- Don't try and second guess someone or presume that they will react to situations in the same way as you
-- If all else fails, celebrate the fact that you are single and that you still have so many possibilities in front of you.

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6. MEMBERSHIP STATISTICS

1. Free members: Out of every hundred members, 65 are free and don't receive dates of their own. Because free members can only be contacted by paying members, a free member will never be able to meet another free member.

51 of these are completely free, and 14 pay £4.95 for 'Free-Plus' which gives them longer on the books and gets their details circulated more frequently.

2. Standard paying members: Out of every hundred members, 16 pay £39.95 for Standard membership. They get lists of people to contact. They may prefer to choose other paying members for reasons of reliability and commitment.

3. Premium paying members: Out of every hundred members, 13 choose to pay £59.95 for the top level which means they can be much more selective as regards professionals, age band and so on. It also means they are updated regularly with new people.

So, 65% of members don't get dates of their own, whilst 35% have a good choice of people - with 100% of active members available for us to choose from, both the paying and the non-paying people.

This will explain why some members who have joined free have found they get very few dates. They are only accessible to a small proportion of the membership.

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7. The WINE BAR……..the place where you, the members can meet!
This is YOUR place in the newsletter where you could potentially get what you say to several thousand mostly single people.

It is not to advertise your own details. However, if you would like to start, for instance, a dinner group in your area and would like to promote it - here is the place. You may have a something to sell, or a service to offer.. Maybe you want to find a Bridge partner or someone to go ballroom dancing with. 

If you wish to advertise your business then I would ask you for £10. This I will put into our advertising fund for the good of all.

*******LADIES in Northamptonshire
Nancy from Wellingborough wrote to me wondering if we have any ladies in the Wellingborough/Northampton area who would like to get together with her socially - which could also lead to meeting gentlemen!

As Nancy is not on email, if you are interested please just send me a personal email to the office (xxxxxxxxxxxxx) with Northamptonshire in the subject line giving me your name and telephone number, and I will pass the message on to Nancy who will then call you.

*******FOR SALE: Architect's Plan Chest
This is probably quite old - stripped oak I think. It's 4' wide (sorry, I don't think in metric), 3' deep and 3' high. It has 8 drawers. Ideal for art students with space! If anyone would like to come and see it and make me an offer, please email me - Katherine - xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

*******GET ON OUR WAVELENGTH AND COME SAILING! Wavelength Sailing is one of the UKs leading yacht charter companies and they have recently introduced a new range of social events aimed at single people. The popular 'Girls v Boys' sailing weekends are aimed at individuals who are looking for a fun, action-packed weekend and to meet new people amid some of the most beautiful scenery in the UK. Groups of 10 guys and 10 girls join the well-fitted out yachts in Portsmouth on the Saturday at around 10am. Following a quick tour of the yacht and a brief safety talk from the skipper, it's time to let the lines slip and heat out into the Solent. If you would like more information about a fun-packed weekend by the sea, dates etc. call xxxxxxxxx or email andy@wavelengthsailing.com No experience required. The price is £150 and includes everything except dinner on Saturday night and drinks. Please mention Singles Grapevine (ref.SGLS) when booking, and hurry as places go fast.

*******FOR SALE: Holiday Cottage in Looe, Cornwall
I cannot understand why this has not been snapped up long ago! The price is now reduced.

Unique cottage in heart of Looe, 200m from main street & 300m from the sea front. Three bedrooms, dining room & kitchen, lounge with external patio, bathroom with WC and a second WC.  Sea view over rooftops. Car parking space.

This is lovely - two separate accommodations - I have stayed there myself. You could let one to cover any mortgage and to pay for your own holidays in the other part.

Includes additional self-contained studio flat with bed sitting room, separate kitchen diner, bathroom with WC. Small external walled patio area. Excellent condition, viewing highly recommended. £189,950 Email Iain (member no.14745) iainlansdell@ntlworld.com, or phone xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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Please keep in touch. I always respond to all your emails as quickly and as fully as I can. Don't forget to take a look at your own place in this newsletter - the Wine Bar - and 'talk' to lots and lots of other single people.

from Katherine

PS If you'd like to rejoin or upgrade and have dates of your own, please go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/upgrade.htm
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NEWSLETTER 2003/September

The Grapevine Newsletter for members (past and present) - with a special Autumn Offer
This newsletter is sent to all members past and present who have given Grapevine their e-mail
address. If you don't wish to receive the newsletter any more, please reply with 'unsubscribe' along with your name in the subject line.

August, as usual, was a quiet month for Grapevine.

Now that September has come, summer holidays are all over and children are back at school, things are really starting to move again.

I have been in this business, one way or another, for 11 years now and it's always the same. As soon as September starts single people who over the summer have just not been meeting suitable people with relationship potential, feel that now the nights are drawing in it's time to try an agency. Perhaps they may even meet someone by Christmas?

Old members who either weren't successful last time, or whose relationships didn't unfortunately work out, decide it's time to come back and try again.

I am very busy also on a personal front. I live and work from an old converted railway station and we have a horrendous mortgage. As you may imagine, the station is a very wide building but not very deep front to back. It has two distinct ends, one with an 'upstairs' where the Station Master himself used to live up until the sixties when Beeching axed much of the railway, and the other end is the 'working' end that was the platform waiting room, ticket office, ladies room etc. which is where Tony and I live and where I have my office. Now that the children have all left home it is much too big and we are working very hard to get the Station Master's end ready to sell as a separate semi-detached house - three bedrooms, garden including original platforms, kitchen which was the old lamp room, ideal for railway buffs - something just a bit different!

I can stand in the middle of the garden, between the two old brick platforms, and imagine the steam trains that once diddle-e-dum, diddle-e-dumed over the very spot where my dogs, as I write, are lying sleepily in the sun of this glorious Indian summer. The track was also the main line for taking the troops to the east coast in World War II. History! We haven't seen any ghosts, though.

So, lots of work.

I hope you enjoy the September Newsletter (any contributions for next month's gladly received). From Katherine

(If there is anything you wish to see again in past newsletters, you can see them online at www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/newsletter.htm )
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CONTENTS

1. Autumn offer
2. Emails/letters to Grapevine
3. Rejection
4. The WINE BAR - Social area for members!
5. FREE lottery entry

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1. AUTUMN OFFER

As you may know, I don't usually offer anybody who has already previously been a member a period of membership absolutely free (this applies to both paying and previously free members).

For the month of September, however, I am offering anybody who would like to come back free membership until the end of October**. Therefore, the sooner you take up the offer the more time you will have.

**NB. This offer does not apply to anyone who has already had the free 'summer' offer (You will now need to take up a £4.95 paying membership at the very least)

Please understand that Free membership does not mean dates of your own, but that your details can be sent to people in your age group and area who ask for/pay for dates.

You have nothing to lose, have you.

Naturally, if you would like dates of your own to get things really moving, full membership is the thing to have. To take a look at this again just go to www.singlesgrapevine.co.uk/upgrade.htm

To take up the Autumn Offer just drop me a quick email to confirm who your are and I will set up your membership again, emailing you a copy of how your details look. You can email me back any changes. If you have forgotten how we work, or think things must have changed a lot, just go to the website (link at the end).

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2. EMAILS & LETTERS from Members

"Hi Katherine, just a quick email to thank you for providing the agency that has brought me such happiness..well we have just celebrated our first year together..a year of great happiness and fun. We are busy house-hunting and are looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together."

"..I would gladly recommend Grapevine, so much easier to join than other dating agencies, and excellent value for money.."

"I have just met someone and would like to give it time to see where things go. If I fall flat on my face again I will be in touch!! Thank you for what you do. I am one of a large number of lonely people out here, battle damaged and with no idea how to move on. You certainly provide a window to life's possibilities."

It's not all good unfortunately.

I am frequently getting emails from people who have been misled and are understandably fed up. One gentleman described himself as 'handsome' and a 'social' smoker only, but spoilt it by having yellow/brown teeth from continual smoking which he did all evening. A lady described herself as young 48 with brown hair, and appeared to be about 10 years older with white hair. Another lady met two gentlemen who (she said) were at least 10 years older than they said and with out-of-date photos.

Surely no relationship could develop that starts with deception.

I know from your emails that a lot of youare, as ever, very frustrated by ignored contacts. Remember to make it as easy for people to get back to you - give email and phone number, and also don't give them too long a letter or email to read through and then have to do justice to!

Here is someone who must be getting it right:

"Response - I don't seem to be having too much trouble with that. Probably in the region of 80 to 90 percent, and getting lots of dates." and now, a few weeks later,
"I enjoyed every single meeting and would like to think that some of the ladies did as well. And now 'Eureka', things are developing absolutely swimmingly......I sincerely hope I have no further need to call upon you. Nothing personal you understand!"

And here is the reply to me from a lady when I asked her the reason she had turned someone down, along with her suggestion:

"It's difficult to pinpoint exactly what it was that put me off. He didn't send me a copy of his profile, he emailed me a very long letter explaining what his hobbies are and what he is interested in.(I'm sorry to say, but he did go on a bit). Perhaps it would be better for him just to send his profile in the future, keep it short.You have obviously put a great deal of thought into what questions to ask in the profiles and at the end of the day that is all we need to know in the beginning."

I know I keep saying don't make initial email contacts too wordy because people will very likely 'wait till later' before getting around to replying - if they ever do. Here is an example of a VERY brief email, and one of the responses it received!

" ...Just a quick not to say Hi!! I have read your profile from Grapevine & thought it would be a good idea to make contact. If you agree please email me back. Thanks." and the response:
"Hi, thanks for the e mail. As you know a little about me could you tell me a little about yourself by email or phone. Hope to hear from you soon."

The original email made the member curious to know more!

And on people's requirements:
"I certainly smiled about your woman who wants to reject animals lovers - she will order men wearing boxer shorts only soon!" It can also be quite hard to find gentlemen in the numbers that Grapevine provides for a member to choose from, when they all must be over 5'11", Caucasian, non-smokers, single or widowed only, professional and within a 20 mile radius (I'm not inventing this one!)

The great majority of emails I find really encouraging, and hopefully those of you still looking for someone will also find hope in them

"Thank you very much for your help during my membership, and I would like to say that I thought Grapevine offered a fantastic service. I would however be grateful if you could remove me.."

"Thank you for helping me get back on the road to happiness, after a long period of heartbreak."

And a touch with reality...

"....I have had three contacts which has been a very interesting experience....what I wanted out of Grapevine was to enjoy meeting new people and if something develops great, of not put it down to life.....I went out with X, very nice person, for me he could have been a good friend but not romantically, after only two meetings he issued an ultimatum that I see nobody else. I found this disconcerting because he felt used. So I say to people out there, don't be too desperate, let the experience flow and have fun...one thing I have learned is to find out what each person's goal is and let them know my own." Which leads nicely to my next section....

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3. REJECTION:(
Coping with rejection is so, so hard, especially for those people who are single again on account of being rejected in the first place.

This is the situation. You have met someone and had a nice evening. You yourself are not sure whether you want to see him/her again, but on the other hand it would be nice if they wanted to see you again. Everyone likes to feel wanted, nobody likes to feel unwanted. It's a kind of 'Catch 22' situation isn't it.

Some people take the coward's way out and promise to phone (oh yeah?). This leaves the other person wondering and waiting. The answer is not to believe them - take it with a pinch of salt unless it actually happens.

I still remember meeting my first date through a dating agency about 16 years ago (in a past life). He was lovely, but he didn't want to see me again. It still rankles!! I did much better on subsequent dates, but the first experience has the biggest impact, doesn't it.

Now, I would say that if possible you need to meet sufficient people that it is neither here nor there in your mind - difficult I know, this is unless you are lucky to fall for someone straight away and it's mutual.

I read somewhere that the attitude should be: Maximum enjoyment. Minimum expectations. It's self-preservation really. Then you have nothing to lose, and who knows what to gain....?

This is my suggestion if you are worried about the goodbyes. How about, when first arranging a meeting, making a pact between you that you will not mention meeting again, not at any stage, not even at the end of the date. That way the dreaded 'goodbye' moment won't be hanging over you all the time you are together.

Then, either one of you could so easily pick up the phone or email the next day should you wish to. No expectations, no broken promises. I'm sure if you both really 'clicked' your pact would be forgotten anyway!
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4. The WINE BAR……..the place where you, the members can meet!
This is YOUR place in the newsletter where you could potentially get what you say to several thousand people.

It is not to advertise your own details. However, if you would like to start, for instance, a dinner group in your area and would like to promote it - here is the place. You may have a something to sell, or a service to offer.. Maybe you want to find a Bridge partner or someone to go ballroom dancing with. 

If you wish to advertise your business then I would ask you for £10. This I will put into our advertising fund for the good of all.

*******ANYONE FOR GOLF?
Mary (H.C.15) would like to plan a mixed singles golf day one weekend in September or October for Grapevine golfers. Venue may be at Berkhamsted or another Hertfordshire golf club more central to the majority of people interested. Meal afterwards. All suggestions welcome. Please register your interest with Mary direct a.s.a.p xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

*******GET ON OUR WAVELENGTH AND COME SAILING! Wavelength Sailing is one of the UKs leading yacht charter companies and they have recently introduced a new range of social events aimed at single people. The popular 'Girls v Boys' sailing weekends are aimed at individuals who are looking for a fun, action-packed weekend and to meet new people amid some of the most beautiful scenery in the UK. Groups of 10 guys and 10 girls join the well-fitted out yachts in Portsmouth on the Saturday at around 10am. Following a quick tour of the yacht and a brief safety talk from the skipper, it's time to let the lines slip and heat out into the Solent. If you would like more information about a fun-packed weekend by the sea, dates etc. call xxxxxxx or email xxxxxxx No experience required. The price is £150 and includes everything except dinner on Saturday night and drinks. Please mention Singles Grapevine (ref.SGLS) when booking, and hurry as places go fast.

*******FOR SALE (Milton Keynes area) 'Little Gem Wizard 330L' electric organ, floor standing model, in good working order, complete with stool. Double keyboard, 7 solo voices, plus piano and special effects, magic chords, memory, 6 different tempos and much more. Price negotiable around £50 (the stool alone would cost more than that). Please contact Mike for a viewing/demo. He may also be able to arrange transport depending upon the distance.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

*******FOR SALE: Holiday Cottage in Looe, Cornwall
Unique cottage in heart of Looe, 200m from main street & 300m from the sea front. Three bedrooms, dining room & kitchen, lounge with external patio, bathroom with WC and a second WC.  Sea view over rooftops. Car parking space.

This is lovely - two separate accommodations - I have stayed there myself. You could let one to cover any mortgage and to pay for your own holidays in the other part.

Includes additional self-contained studio flat with bed sitting room, separate kitchen diner, bathroom with WC. Small external walled patio area. Excellent condition, viewing highly recommended. £199,950 Email Iain (member no.14745) xxxxxxxxx, or phone xxxxxxxx

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